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OMNICELL
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Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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THings are hard right now! I must trust GOd!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Sep 06, 2013 4:55 am

God is all I have! and these online forums. I have nothing in the real world. I want that to be OK. I do not want to continue to put my trust or faith in anything dealing with the human race! Dealing with humans is what is causing my problems.

I have no one to trust. All is deceptive. Most are liars.. Not all! I know great people are out here, I do not know them, nor do I feel like I have the credentials to know them. I am no one in the public world. I am an unknown. The only one who knows me is God.

Even what I know, is not wanted! Its used or forsaken.
ITs very hard being shunned to death!

This is a horrible planet!

I am not the only one. Im complaining because I am all alone or hated. And I am disrespected and hated and have no place to take the feelings!

I would like to wise up around people! stop expecting so much from them! I am nothing in there eyes. Nothing but contempt, and its worked up to this point, However, If anything of value is thrown out, it is trampled underfoot and tore into pieces.

Im not sure where God wants me! Im trying to heal up, I need a place with respectable people! or Im alone all day long!

I need a recovery process of people I can trust!, not people that will take advantage of me!

I have to learn to back away and understand the land of lawlessness I live in! Im learning to Trust God when I want to take my will back! I have lots of work when I want to take my will back! Im so scared of rejection and scared of people! I have been around evil people all of my life.

Im around people that think they are in control ruling me and Im a dumb-ass, I hate it when I find this out! it means I was blind. The child in me wanting to be loved by the wrong people! I feel into it! thinking I could run the show.

I do not have enough respect for evil! or those that worship it! They hate me and do not care about my future. They care about nothing!

I have to learn to stop being naive and take things to God!

I am alone at the wrong times and it hurts, I have online forums and that is all.

I have lots of contempt, and I have to stay away from people, places and things that are unsafe. The minute I let my guard down, I am hacked to pieces. I have no credibility with people because Im not in the world, or of the world!

I do not want to be alone!

People take what I through out and turn it on me completely! They cannot be trusted.

I have to hit and run! or they come back firing..

What I don't like about all of this! Im being used in every direction like Im a fool. I have to remember who and what Im dealing with!

These are murderers, yet the communities hold everyone in high esteem...

Hidden beneath communities is a sinister third Reich style attitude and pathology! Same sociopathic cultural mannerisms hidden under churchiness and work ethic performance worship!

The truth is good enough! and the truth is what I need to share and get out! its all very hard, I have no one on my side!

I must learn to trust God at a deeper level!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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