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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm

Im Fat; don't sugar coat it or Ill eat that to. Its not exercise. I can exorcize. My guts addicted to sugar or when I loose weight; the starve part of me wants to kick in and eat as much as possible. What ever it is; something has to change; sad part is; I exercise and can loose the weight; but I gain it back within three weeks; I talked to a friend and they told me I have to work my azz off to hold my desired weight; and I believe it and I believe that is the answer; sacrifice and thats what I have to work my thinking into.I kill myself loosing 25 pounds through exorcise then gain it back in a month; then have to go back to grueling biking to get it off; and then I gain it back; then Im back to hours n hours every day biking again. to much; doesn't make sense. Somethings got to give. Maybe research it. Somethings got a hold of my gut that I want to eat everything in side after Ive lost the weight; it wasn't this bad in the past.
I understand about probiotics but still. I drink apple cider vinegar every day and biking more n more; so Im heading back to making that decision to change my eating again and go back to loosing weight again. We will see.
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Im getting better; when I here guys talk about work and money and trucks n things; more more Im comfortable with it. That means Im coming back to the present.
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The more I work on my own story the more independent I get.
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The more I take pride in working on my own positive story for my future the better I feel and the more independent I feel and Im searching and looking for that independence; thats whats most important.
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Im working on these dominant stories of what I want; and Im getting more in detail; One area Im getting stronger at and opening up chances in my imagination; Im imagining Im with her; and Im working on something; like with sand; we are building a sand castle together and we start throwing sand on each other; sand balls; attacking each other and laughing; close up; this stuff is hard for me in my imagination because Im going from protection of CPTSD to re connection with somebody; but I have to. I have to get to a point where Im conferrable in my imagination being close to my Asian soulmate. And Im getting stronger at it; it hurts and it feels squarely.
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I have more work to do. The key is to have a head full of fantastic thoughts of doing things and with others at a high frequency level. This means seeing myself with my Asian soulmate hand n hand having coffee together at the coffee shop talking and having fun; a and really feeling it; really investing in the kinds of stories for myself. And seeing my Asian soulmate and I camping and praying together and doing magic spells together and stuff and drawing in the mud together and look at the stars at night through a telescope together or swimming together off a dock or the shore after mountain biking by a lake; that kind of thing. Having milk shakes together and seeing a movie; and seeing it all in my mind; sleeping together. traveling together. Creating art together; going to a gallery together; stuff like that. all kinds of stuff; see so much of it in my mind that it takes over reality and becomes my reality and when I believe that; then, she will appear.. And if Im comfortable with these stories and scenes in my head; I will gain much more confidence... Its already happening.
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Im finding that with enough confident stories; my dissociation is dropping and Im looking at people in the eyes and not dropping my head so much....
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Things are looking up because Im writing allot of stories about my new life; I have a whole head full of them but Im still warped; Im not back yet; Im using the stories to get me back to a ground level. Its not easy; non of it... doing this; its like playing a guitar; its takes years of work. but Im doing it...
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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