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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1051)
- April 2020
Next social level is revealed to me
   Fri Apr 03, 2020 8:55 pm
New Social capacity; from anti social to getting help
   Thu Apr 02, 2020 5:22 am

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Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm

Im Fat; don't sugar coat it or Ill eat that to. Its not exercise. I can exorcize. My guts addicted to sugar or when I loose weight; the starve part of me wants to kick in and eat as much as possible. What ever it is; something has to change; sad part is; I exercise and can loose the weight; but I gain it back within three weeks; I talked to a friend and they told me I have to work my azz off to hold my desired weight; and I believe it and I believe that is the answer; sacrifice and thats what I have to work my thinking into.I kill myself loosing 25 pounds through exorcise then gain it back in a month; then have to go back to grueling biking to get it off; and then I gain it back; then Im back to hours n hours every day biking again. to much; doesn't make sense. Somethings got to give. Maybe research it. Somethings got a hold of my gut that I want to eat everything in side after Ive lost the weight; it wasn't this bad in the past.
I understand about probiotics but still. I drink apple cider vinegar every day and biking more n more; so Im heading back to making that decision to change my eating again and go back to loosing weight again. We will see.

Im getting better; when I here guys talk about work and money and trucks n things; more more Im comfortable with it. That means Im coming back to the present.
The more I work on my own story the more independent I get.
The more I take pride in working on my own positive story for my future the better I feel and the more independent I feel and Im searching and looking for that independence; thats whats most important.
Im working on these dominant stories of what I want; and Im getting more in detail; One area Im getting stronger at and opening up chances in my imagination; Im imagining Im with her; and Im working on something; like with sand; we are building a sand castle together and we start throwing sand on each other; sand balls; attacking each other and laughing; close up; this stuff is hard for me in my imagination because Im going from protection of CPTSD to re connection with somebody; but I have to. I have to get to a point where Im conferrable in my imagination being close to my Asian soulmate. And Im getting stronger at it; it hurts and it feels squarely.
I have more work to do. The key is to have a head full of fantastic thoughts of doing things and with others at a high frequency level. This means seeing myself with my Asian soulmate hand n hand having coffee together at the coffee shop talking and having fun; a and really feeling it; really investing in the kinds of stories for myself. And seeing my Asian soulmate and I camping and praying together and doing magic spells together and stuff and drawing in the mud together and look at the stars at night through a telescope together or swimming together off a dock or the shore after mountain biking by a lake; that kind of thing. Having milk shakes together and seeing a movie; and seeing it all in my mind; sleeping together. traveling together. Creating art together; going to a gallery together; stuff like that. all kinds of stuff; see so much of it in my mind that it takes over reality and becomes my reality and when I believe that; then, she will appear.. And if Im comfortable with these stories and scenes in my head; I will gain much more confidence... Its already happening.
Im finding that with enough confident stories; my dissociation is dropping and Im looking at people in the eyes and not dropping my head so much....
Things are looking up because Im writing allot of stories about my new life; I have a whole head full of them but Im still warped; Im not back yet; Im using the stories to get me back to a ground level. Its not easy; non of it... doing this; its like playing a guitar; its takes years of work. but Im doing it...

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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