Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
Archives
- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Things are changing again

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm

Things are changing again; Im getting new perspective.
.
Im with the understanding that the past must be deflated; I got some 30 different areas; family, institutions; experiences within those institutions, families; systems; that must be deflated; they have to much power over me because my whole childhood; 0-18 was a catastrophe of horror, let down, disappointment, out rage, surge, horror, terror, humiliation, degradation, rape; holocaust.
.
My earlier life is a successions of horror; and thats all it was; fear at a tremendous inhuman level; the buildings, the people in the buildings and the neighboring countrysides; the schools; all of it.
.
I've got the beginning place I lived; the town; from the beginning of my life. I then have the new town I lived in; my home town and the neighborhood I lived in; the house I lived in; the Grandparents from that town; a place I later had to live and their house and that neighborhood. I have the schools I attended; the grade school when living in my childhood house; I have the the continuation of grade school while living at the Grandparents house and the junior high. I have the new house with my mother in a new city on the coast; and the school I had to attend; the horror of that; that was in 6th grade. I then had to come back to my home town.
.

From the 8th grade; I have to move back in with my mother at the coast; this is 9th grade; that house; that neighborhood and its bullies and that school system; including high school.
.
Senior in high school; a most hideous situation. The house I lived in; my false best friend and his family; then the high school with its bullies and indifferent teachers...
.
Then college years! And all of this must be looked at and deflated and worked through.
.
The relatives; a false situation I should have never been exposed to. They were complete strangers; I was unfortunately; for them and me; It was unfortunate I had to associate with them.
.
I would say; Im making my point. I have allot of institutions to deflate..
.
Some things are or have been getting deflated. The best friend, his family and his house; deflated. The neighborhood I grew up in deflated. My childhood house; 30% deflated; or 20% deflated.
.
The first girl I loved and thought I would marry; that has been deflated. IT was deflated because Ive successfully recreated the situation in the present and with practice; Ive been able to interact emotionally with people that had emotional feelings for me in the present (women). I was able to walk over to them; I was able to allow them to walk over to me; Ive intimately told them how I feel; they've told me how they feel; and thats thats; their is more to it; but you get the point; the reader should get it; understand; its been completed. IF I was 14 again' meeting my future wife; this time; at 16 years old; I now have the ability to have walked up to her and talked to her about what was happening to me and stayed with her.
The point; if I could have walked up to her and talked to her when 16; I can now meet new women and new relationships and continue down my life journey with a new family; no more living in the past. not necessary; However, Im extremely week... reality is a very hard place for me...
.
This problems extend into music and art; lots of hardened horror associated with these concept from birth. So; the goal is to deflate music and art... thats one goal; that I be able to make music and art again.
.
Im changing; the key is; working with the universe; how to deflate these horrific things of the past that they may have no power over me anymore.
.
And the same deflation must occur with school work; I could have done many things; what ever I put my mind to; but it was all stolen from me through fear and trauma. So; nothing was accomplished in the school system.
.
So; the school system; college system; home work; learning, studying. preparing for tests and such; all of those things; And I can feel fear when mentioning all that; Im looking to deflate such things.
.
.
So; things are looking up for me; much work must be done. Goals continue. The most important goal right now is art work; an art show.
.
.
The next goal is a girlfriend; the problem with this; again; delation of having a girlfriend;; its bee to larger then life; as if she is going to dominate me or be the enemy; I have to see her as a friend. Ive seen everything as negative and hostile and it must stop; cant have a vision of such things.
.
And let me say; concerning the survival in the 12 step meeting system; forgive all people in these meetings; constantly, then return to the meetings; don't be stupid; continue to keep those of no conscious at bay; and disregard the rest.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 678 times

Who is online

Registered users: AmmeSO, AProphet, Bing [Bot], Cholls, ganjakites, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, janesays, Johnny-Jack, Larbiet101, Majestic-12 [Bot], MSN [Bot], myce, paul1187, Riccola, silverplant, SomeDude007, WhyDoIExist