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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (957)
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- July 2019
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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The work around, and what you see in u head!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:58 pm

The work around!
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Im suppose to keep going to meetings to stay social afloat! The problem is; the meeting are for people who are messed; they are newly out of treatment or other problems! its not an easy place! Im actually quit private and shy; but never got a grounding onto my feet when a boy! Ive been lost in a dissociative haze, most or all of my life! Even when I didn't know it was a haze, it was a haze!
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Ive been going to meeting as I should! some aren't meant for me! their not! I don't have the same value system as some groups! and I don't fit in! its not worth it for me! The real problem is trying to make wrong people the right people! People that do not have my values! Im trying to change them or hope they will come around to my way of thinking so they will appreciate me! They don't appreciate me because they never said they were thinking about me or valuing me in the first place!
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So, the problem is a learning problem or situation; its not bad; its just a slap in the face because I got to grow up or snap out of it!
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When younger, a few years ago, I started leaving my nice mountain bikes outside my apartment! I thought I owned the world and it would be convenient to leave them outside; locked up! or so I thought! Soon, very soon, they were stolen, one after the other! Every bike that got stolen hurt! but three in a row; over a 1 1/2 year period! these were expensive bikes! ranging into thousands of dollars! After the third bike was stolen, I woke up! A certain kind of wake up occurs when you've had three personal bikes stolen; You wake up from 1 bike stolen! Three bikes stolen; somethings seriously wrong with me! and Im learning! I learned! I had to relearn how to keep my bikes safe, how thieves operate and to keep my bikes in my apartment!
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When it comes to groups or people in the recovery process; their are groups, that its better I dont go into! I have to learn this! I do have to get better! and I have to keep working on it!
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Im at this place of moving forward! trying to move out of the meetings to a new life! It requires more change! I have to work with God on new people and places and things; and me becoming myself again!
. . .
I have to wake up! the problem is; I need the meetings to wake up! and the meetings are the problems; they dont represent the real world for what Im looking for! They work as meeting places for recovery, I dont have much outside of these places!
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I absolutely wont date anyone from those places! no way! Ive seen and been through enough! So, where do I go to meet new people! I have work with God and trust God on this! and its as simple as this!
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I have to write up new stories of meeting new people! So, I better get writing! I write new stories about how I want my life as if its already happened!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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