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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1020)
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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The whole idea for me to stay alive

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jul 31, 2018 1:24 pm

The deal I made with God; I would get better if I could and not kill myself but he would have to follow through!
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I do not want to spend my remaining days learning how to manifest things; I simply want things and want to live! I want to live my dream life! I dont want any headaches associated with it!
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I dont want any problems with women! I want the right women in my life; not the filth Ive been dealing with for 2/3rds my life!
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As for women; I wont sleep with someone I dont trust! and I have found no women I trust; non of them! they present themselves to me and they are worthless! I have no idea who has taught them; ridiculous!
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In this society today; most of the women; if not all of them; they hang with other women that are men haters and those men haters teach them how to think; a superior attitude toward men as if men are inferior; then those idiots walk out and attempt these philosophies on men; Men are horrified by such things; Men are not like women; when a women crosses the line; she's gone; it only takes once! Im so sorry for the nation I live in; its gotten this ridiculous!
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Sex; I have to have women in my life that I can trust in order to re-have sex! I wont let someone of an arrogant nature around me; Men are not like women; men are not forgiving! women either get inline or and show respect; humble themselves or their gone! Or; they never get chance to get close! This is mother nature!
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I have to feel safe; I now underhand Im dealing with the wrong women regardless of how many of them I deal with!
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Im specifically asking the universe to teach me how to manifest the right women in my life! Ive never seen anything this bad before! My relationships with women or my love life is as bad as it can get! its ridiculous! women consider me attractive; doesn't do me any good; im around the wrong people!
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Being around the wrong people;
Im around the wrong people because I dont know how to be around the right ones; im afraid I wont be good enough! I know Im good enough; Im afraid Im going to be around a bunch of spoiled women that appreciate nothing; and this would be a waist of my time!

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Im looking for a specific kind of personality in a women; sensitive, intelligent, humble, appreciative, lonely, broken, someone that need to be saved; saved by me, because they really need to be; they re for real and willing to stay that way! Im their Knight; Ill take nothing less!
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If a women stands in front of me and Im willing to fight to keep her; I dont want her to leave; thats how much I want her; thats the only type of women I want in my life; no other! and if a women really wants me; she has to stand in front of me and not want me to leave! She is will to humble herself and tell me the truth of how she really feels in order to keep me! She has to want to keep me; and be the right women! Ill take no less!
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The problem is; if God does not solve these problems with women and other manifestation problems; Im simply going to get old and die; basically a virgin; for I have never had sex with anyone I actually caed about or liked; no one! Ive never loved anyone that Ive dated; or gone out with! Ive never liked any of the idiots Ive gone out with or attracted; non of them; worthless! Im a respectable man; this has nothing to do with me; its not my fault! non of it! and Ill take no credit in it for the type of F_ckTards Im attracting! However, I have to wonder why Im attracting these type of people; Their everywhere Im around; thats why! being around better people will solve some of this!
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Im sure the women Ive been around will find others like themselves and they will get along fine and the world will continue to burn and turn; However, they are not right for me!
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So; with women; I have to let go of the " how" of where they will come from or how I will meet them!
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My goal is to be happy! I would like an Asian-soulmate; a house, a truck, a camper van and a cash flow continuously circulating to pay for everything!
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I just want results; dont want anything else!
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I dont feel safe in the world; maybe large amounts of money would help; a better place to live; as for bringing people into my life; they have to be inline with me and be safe, loyal quality women!
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I have to trust the universe and not worry about how its going to happen and this bugs me! Im sick of the universe and trusting the universe or anything else out here!
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Death; at times I want to die so I dont have to deal with this anymore; i want to go away and never come back to this God forsaken planet. Ive asked God 1000000000000000000 times for help and I get answered 3 times! Those 3 times simply prove that God is their; the universe is their; thats not enough; I wanted results!
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If I pray for money; I want money to show up; I dont want proof that The universe can bring me money; I want the money! This horror show called life is not a game; I dont have time for the universe playing games with me!
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maybe it will be better or safer when i turn to energy in the universe and not be on this planet anymore!
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It seems that all I've done on this planet is learn to with-stand this constant nightmare; thats all its been! theirs been no relationships, no life; nothing; no use of talents; nothing! worthless! and the people around me; most of them; worthless! not all!
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Im an inteligent man; I have no friends; nothing; no girlfriends; nothing! ridiculous! the whole thing! Im a talented person. In this society; bringing me down and keep me from being who I am!
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So; I dont know; Ill continue to work with the universe; its the lesser of 2 evils!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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