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The universe has got my back

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Nov 03, 2017 3:45 pm

The basis of this blog is; " They are not my friends"; yet, I keep making them out to be my friends! They are friendly, but thats because Im in proximity! and looking back; if I did not interact with them; they would have never interacted with me! I mean; if I leave them alone; they would leave me alone and never talk to me because I have no value to them! and if I dont watch it! I could get into trouble associating with them; they are 2 faced or 5 faced; not a safe group of people to associate with! but Im so lonely and desperate Ill take anything that breaths to notice me or connect with! for this reason, I have to turn to God for help!

So, Im at this meeting and things backfire! I have a problem; Id like to blame others! I am blaming others; but I cant seem to come to grips that the people Im blaming never claimed to be who Ive made them out to be! I see them as care givers to take care of me; they dont see it that way! in fact, most of them have proven on paper, they have little to no conscious; and they hang out with other in the same condition and I hang out with them; Im acting like I can use them to get a head or befriend them! Im now getting slammed in the face with it! They are manipulators and masters of it; and Im taken over by them; tripped off my feet very quickly before I know what happens! They are not thinking about me and never were! Its my dream world vs their strategy to take advantage of others!
They think 2 highly of themselves! and act as if they have the world by its reigns! In reality, they have nothing! in reality, they never claimed they cared who I am or what I think of them! They are not my friends; but since Ive been around them, they have been friendly; however, they fit together, I do not fit with them! I am not accepted by them! and since Ive allowed my walls to come down a bit; Ive got slammed in the face with it; that their not my friends! they see no value in me! and will not hold me to a high level of social status that I deserve!
The funny thing is or sad concerning thing; Ive gone to the wrong people for acceptance! But I cant see to handle it or deal with; Im afraid the right people wont accept me! Ive been put down by the upper classes or middle classes before! Im scared of them; I dont trust them, Ive never seen such deception then from the rich or educated with no conscious!
Im an easy going guy! I really am; but I've been displaced in the world; falling into the hands of the wrong people, and Im trying to figure out why; thats where I start!
Ive found that the child in me and God want to work together; the child needs direction and security and love and hope and care! The child in me does not trust me! Looking at myself; I haven't done to much to gain this childs trust! I have to first start by turning to God and bowing down and letting go of all outcomes!
When im in charge, I've been dumb about it! This means, a lack of respect for the consequences of things! Ive tried to get my needs met blindly by all the wrong people and places and things! I have to take this to source energy and stay out of it and away from it; away from all of it!
I have to stay out of the outcome of things! and allow God to bring the right people and places and things!
Ive blindly walked across fields and lines to the enemies outposts; and walk up to their camps as if nothing is going to happen to me; Ive acted like I can be friend them and have a great time freely; in reality, they are watching me to see how they can over come me! that is their goal in life; its not just me they want to overcome! The point; they are the enemy and not my friends! My real friends never accepted me; so, they were never my friends! and the people Im around now, do not accept me, no one seems to! so, what do I do! where do I go!
Thats what Im working on!
Im not around the right people; I havent ever been round the right people; I've tried to adapt to those people and places and things around me to survive; it hasn't worked; I've been crucified! Ive been around lies and deceivers that pretend to be one thing on the outside but on the inside they are corrupt and dont care!
I have to turn to source energy for help and stay away from everyone else! let God do his job and bring me the right people and places and things!
I have to stop being stupid about all of this! Im using other people to gain my sanity back! I'm using them as therapists or close friends that are going to help me! Non of these people are close finds of mine, but I keep making them out to be and getting hurt in the process! I guess Im desperate and lonely! I need just like everyone else! Im a human being! so, I have to turn to God because I feel so insecure and lonely and alone in the world!
I haven't trusted God in these areas! Im about to! -

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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