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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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The truth is rough

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:58 am

Im in a dry spell at the moment. I have all these thoughts of a women that has been gone for sometime. Im asking God to hurry the process that I grieve her and get it done with. The thoughts are lies... they are nice hopes and dreams, nothing real. The faster I can see things for the way they are, the better I will fair....

It will take time. Nothing I can do, Im in that rough period, were its taken over my thinking and heart. yet, Im awake enough to know it will all have to go... Im working on it daily, to let go. Get my nervous system to stop having hope, and give it up... I made someone into something they are not. I was shocked when I found out what they were really like. I was horrified. Im still confused by what I found. However, its none of my business, my business is to get on with things...

The PTSD problems hold memories, Im trying to break this down, get these memories out. They are worthless and of no purpose. Its a real fight, it will break at some point and I will grieve the loss of this person and move on.

Its hard to get tripped up by people. One has to hit that mad stage, hit that loss stage.....
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Ive had no luck in the relationship areas. Well, thats not true, My relationship with God is great, I have a few others relationships that are working, they are not with the right people.

I have to remember to pray, and trust God. Its my relationship with God in this area that is strained at best. All the work is in this area.

My Father dying did not help!, It feels so weird to know I will never see him again!
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I have been crying allot lately ,. feeling all kinds of feelings. I haven't been this way in a long time.

Im angry now. Enraged. I suppose Im in the enraged section of this grief... Im still very much alone as a person.

The dissociative disorder is keeping me alone. Its all very hard. Im working on it.

I have so much pTSD stuff that it keeps me from being and understanding who I am... Im not happy on how I got the PTSD problems.
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An area Im always forgetting: the trouble I have starts because of the arenas I play in. Its not about the people, its about the house. What name was on that house. the name describes its occupants. If I don't like blue people, then why did I stop off at the blue house. If the house is blue, thus the people inside will be blue. Did I not know this...!/

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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