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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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The truth is rough

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:58 am

Im in a dry spell at the moment. I have all these thoughts of a women that has been gone for sometime. Im asking God to hurry the process that I grieve her and get it done with. The thoughts are lies... they are nice hopes and dreams, nothing real. The faster I can see things for the way they are, the better I will fair....

It will take time. Nothing I can do, Im in that rough period, were its taken over my thinking and heart. yet, Im awake enough to know it will all have to go... Im working on it daily, to let go. Get my nervous system to stop having hope, and give it up... I made someone into something they are not. I was shocked when I found out what they were really like. I was horrified. Im still confused by what I found. However, its none of my business, my business is to get on with things...

The PTSD problems hold memories, Im trying to break this down, get these memories out. They are worthless and of no purpose. Its a real fight, it will break at some point and I will grieve the loss of this person and move on.

Its hard to get tripped up by people. One has to hit that mad stage, hit that loss stage.....
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Ive had no luck in the relationship areas. Well, thats not true, My relationship with God is great, I have a few others relationships that are working, they are not with the right people.

I have to remember to pray, and trust God. Its my relationship with God in this area that is strained at best. All the work is in this area.

My Father dying did not help!, It feels so weird to know I will never see him again!
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I have been crying allot lately ,. feeling all kinds of feelings. I haven't been this way in a long time.

Im angry now. Enraged. I suppose Im in the enraged section of this grief... Im still very much alone as a person.

The dissociative disorder is keeping me alone. Its all very hard. Im working on it.

I have so much pTSD stuff that it keeps me from being and understanding who I am... Im not happy on how I got the PTSD problems.
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An area Im always forgetting: the trouble I have starts because of the arenas I play in. Its not about the people, its about the house. What name was on that house. the name describes its occupants. If I don't like blue people, then why did I stop off at the blue house. If the house is blue, thus the people inside will be blue. Did I not know this...!/

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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