Im not sure! Im not sure who I am or what I am in the eyes of others.. Its so very strange to wake up from dissociative disorder! Ive been out in la la land for 35 years.. Im on the verge of re- communication with the world; actually Im pushing the truth a bit before its time, Im not close to taking over the world; not yet! Im just practicing. Possibly, Im on the verge of interaction with others by way of assertiveness. However, Others do not like me or approve of me the way I would want them to! Some think they are better then I am! I must stay away from those people!
Im looked down on by many people! I have allowed others to see me the way they choose for the sake of recovery; I have sacrificed status for recovery! and it can hurt at times, and be very lonely and wanting! a very alone position!
Many years ago, I started the recovery process to change and work on many levels. Now, Im on the verge of a general break through! Well, its hard to tell, at some point I will be "me" again, and much easier to converse with. It will be much easier to communicate with others. Interaction is happening! Im pushing the truth in front of me! Im telling others about the real inner me! that I not be afraid to be outside of me! The insides matching the outside is my goal.
I must remember the truth about others! They do not see me the way I am! They do not value me the way I am! and they do not care! This has been OK in the past, I was never going to interact with them. I was using them to get ahead. Now, things have changed. Im understanding I will be dealing with the human race in general; no way out if it! back to the herd I go!
My mind is damaged, much work is required.
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I am all alone I think!
Others do not want to play along in my fantasy as I find myself.
Many people have never liked me and never will! Im getting used to this. The truth is good enough!
I am trusting God the best that I can!
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Things are getting hard, and Im getting hard with it!; hard or strong in a good way! Im finally getting impersonal to those that don't count! I follow my higher power! I am not nice to everyone. Well, I am, or I ignore and do not get involved. I stay away from treacherous people! I wont go near them; thats the idea! However, Im still in the beginning of waking up! Lots n lots of the wrong people are around me! As I get healthier over time, I suppose the bad people will drop off.
Im looking forward to getting away from the bad people! right now, Im working through them!
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Im up and down, Im all around and not very attractive at the moment! Im more real and hardcore, not an attractive element to some!