The trap house in my old neighborhood as a kid; turns out to be the same house I grew up in as a kid. It was a friends house that I spent time in; In the end; the friend betrays me and is not the person I thought he was; I was devastated. The goal now is to process all that happened in that neighborhood and move on from it; this will take much time and work; lots of dead spaces in this process; areas of dissociation and pain and way over the top horror and loss and tragedy.
.
I was walking around in that neighborhood yesterday with someone; I was explaining my past and processing some things; and thats what I need to do; to do more and more and keep praying about it.
.
I want to process it; I want to move forward with my life away from this place; back to a place of where Im suppose to live and thrive. My past is like a giant cemetery thats still alive; I dont want the past alive anymore; I want to relive what Im suppose to relive and move on from their.
.
I have to work through the past. Then what do I do.
.
I have the opportunity to put the past to rest; I think.
.
I have allot of work to do.
.
Im a bit scared on direction; I dont know what direction to go; Ill have to work it out with the universe; I feel like Ive got this one big hill left to climb in order to come back to the present and focus on what I want for the present; so; Im working hard with the universe to unravel my past.... ITs frustrating. It hurts. something happens when Im working on the present; the past starts to look like the past; Im not melding it in with the present; instead; its a burden I want to do away with....
.
.