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Consumer 6
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
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Wake up! Trying to become present
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Planning life as an AVPD
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Another break through
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bulling and apologizing
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My work; to get up close in my imagination
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Get right with God; God is saying
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The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
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Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am

How many believe in the laws of attraction; my story gets stranger and stranger.
In 1965 I moved into a house on a beautiful street in middle America. A wonderfully well to do old fashioned neighborhood of the towns better half.
The house I lived in was average; but across the street; kitty corner, starts the houses of the wealthy. upper middle class; Doctor level.
In this neighborhood I met friends and others I would spend my much time with.
I met a kid in school; Ive mentioned this in several other blogs; he became my best friend.
I spent my childhood at that house.
The truth about that neighborhood; many of the children of that neighborhood would be completely destroyed.

I have a sponsor from a group; I go to many groups; I go to AA; NA, EA, Codependence anonymous, Celebrate recovery and so on; anything with a anonymous next to it....

So; ITs time I take my sponsor around the neighborhood I grew up in and was destroyed from; a place I love. A place I loved as a child . later it will be a coffin of evil.
I took my sponsor to a business that was out of business. My sponsor said he knew the old lady that owned it; and her granddaughter. Her Granddaughter died; I asked how; trap house; drugs...
What? What is going on here.
I was shocked; I explained; this was my best friends parents business; I worked her; but when young; I was over here all the time.
This was the most prominent people in my home town; When the wife got old; non of her children were around; they abandon her? it was only her and her drugggee granddaughter. And the house got turned into a giant trap house in the middle of the best street; one of them in my town; bizarre.
I was horrified when I heard this. In fact; my sponsor has used drugs at that house; and this is what he said; He said Omnicell" The place was the pit of hell; it was a giant trap house mansion. Everyone in town used it as a drug central; And that basement was a pit of evil.
I was in shock; but then I began to tell the story of my childhood to my sponsor; How I had met this kid that would be my best friend for ever; and his wonderful family that I would become a mascot. I half lived their. But then I told him some of the problems; because later; when older, I was thrown away; and these people; my friend; my best friends parents; the people that allowed me to go to their house for all this time; they told their son I deserved it. I was shattered and petrified and shocked; these were the only people I had left. and my friend said it was my fault; I was horrified; why would my best friend say something like that; he had betrayed me completely; I don't understand. I was devastated; in a way that people on this site understand; but normees- like my sponsor who do not have CPTSD would not understand.
As I went through the neighborhood walking, with my sponsor; He began to tell me about the stranger old lady and the town trap house; mansion central; We ended up in front of my best friends house; And my sponsor looked at me and said; " this is it" " this is the mansion trap house"; I was in shock; he said the granddaughter died their in the basement; and the old lady was weird and scary.
It seems the old lady; her children never came back; never tried to help her; nothing. The house was a trap house for 10; I think the police finally put a stop to it. This lady was also a substitute mom for me; she brought me up just as much as her other children.
I told my sponsor; I half lived their in the 60's and early 70's; This is where my best friend lived. I spent more time at their house then at the house I lived in down the street; these people were like my parents and their kids like my brothers and sisters.

As the story unfold; I began to realize that I was brought to my home may years ago broken; to my home town and to specific meeting of people for a reason; for everyone in those meetings had experienced the horror and evil of that old lady and that house. I had experienced it 40 years before as a child; because I was betrayed by these people; they were rich and prominent at the time; but never thought I was good enough. but I didn't know this. And their son will not turn out to be anyone I recognize later in life; as if he was a perfect stranger later; I was shocked by it; I was so shocked; I had to check myself; what I thought I had experienced as a child; this person did not resemble the child I remember; he turned out more like an upper class sociopath; he looked at me like I was inferior; this is the same person I spent all that time with as a boy; un believable. However, now, its making more n more sense.
I actually lived their when 16 for a few years; At my best friends house. In reality; and I never knew; they were not my friends; it was evil; they acted like they had never met me later in life and later at the age of 16 when I moved in; I loved these people; everything about them; in the end I was wrong; I had made a mistake. I was mistaken.
I was devastated again; I did not underhand; I was heart broken. These people were like my family; and now; they don't like me because they never did. I had no idea; I had no idea these people felt this way; but later Im going to understand; this is not about me; its about evil.
In the end; after living with these people; And what they said about me when younger; I did not half trust them; but I did. but after living with them; it was evil; and evil I never saw as a child; obviously I could not see it as a child because I was a child.
Heres the deal; As we on this site understand how important it is to get our stories out to feel validated; I was validated because my sponsor knew of these people in a later age a later time period; the grandmother and grand daughter; a trap house of evil. He saw this women for what she really was; evil. and they allowed their granddaughter to die their; the whole family. No love; well well well; that was my story of them 40 years before; looks like my story of that neighborhood is being validated from the outside; how about that. I have another witness of it; my sponsor.
The evil of that place; my sponsor tried to describe to me. I looked at him; and released; he was talking about exactly the same thing I was talking about; I had experienced 40 years before; but in the 60's you did not see the evil; people had families; people were running families; You didn't see all the evil.
My sponsor is an authentic witness of what Ive been describing concerning the horror of my story. He knew the evil. And it wasn't just the evil of that one house. I knew of many evils of that time period the I was young; but he is a witness of one of them; and I told him this over n over; but he never really got it; but it matters not; he validated my horror story of this place; the tragedy of my life on that street. And he validated it because he has spent time around the exact family but of a later date when the family had broken down into nothing.
I see the old women; I knew back in the 1960's something was not right with those people; the way they said things about me behind my back; it was evil. And in the end this old women dies In complete evil.
I thought she was evil; I was treated horribly when I lived their; invalided completely
The past;
Im brought back to my home town to confront an impossible past. And the sponsor Im working with just happens to have been in the basement of that past just like I was; The same house.
My sponsor and I met up; and their we are talking about that evil; and when Im at an NA meeting; Im sitting in a room full of people that also new that house; the house of my best friend; for later they will use drugs in that house in the most evil of forms. So; everyone In those meetings is very closely related to my story.
Im so sorry for that granddaughter. I know her relatives; they caused this; lack of love. Im so sorry no one loved her. I will have to make a memorial for her and bury her the right way; as a memorial to her; Im talking about my view of her; and talk to God concerning her. I do this for the lost who have killed themselves; they come to me in dreams and feelings and other ways; they want me to bury them in an innocent ritual burial. Something to be remembered; Im suppose to tell God what wonderful people they are; and were; Im the one who sees them for who they are.
None of the uncles or aunts showed up to rescue their own daughter or niece ; nothing. they also let this girl die of drugs; they killed her long before she ever used drugs; they killed her through neglect. I cant believe it; it means these people I grew up with turned into upper middle class monsters; and it means this family system were murders; the family system I spend all my time with; but you would not have known it; it looked perfect on the outside. But I had come to this conclusion years before; but had no one to tell; no one would have believed me; believed me about my bizarre life.
And possibly by me being their as a child; I may have been invited in to help keep the family stable. but I don't know; I don't think so. I don't know.... I doubt it. it was 1970; I don't think so.
I tried to explain to my young sponsor what it was like in the 1960's; He could not get a grasp on it; nothing. Could not understand a middle class prominent neighborhood of the 1960's; I tried to explain; you did not have any signs of anything wrong anywhere; nothing. ever! Their were no warning signs for me that anything was wrong; nothing.
anyway; This means I ended up in rooms with people who had spent horrible hours of their lives in the very basement of the house of the place I spent my childhood and later lived. I was drawn to them as they were drawn to me; all of us drawn together. Now I get it. Its a giant Steven King Novel.
My sponsor wants me to just " get over it" " move on"; he doesn't get it; Ive been trying to do that for 45 years. Ive been doing the quiet work to accomplish this fact on my own through ways he is not educated and never will be. He doesn't get it; He doesn't understand what is going on here besides the surface; does not understand PTSD, or CPTSD or its long term disabling effects or the nature of horror I'm describing. Most dont.
ITs risky tell normees- about things that caused CptsD; They don't understand; they try to help but don't seem to understand basic concepts; no problem. Things are making more sense; it matters not if people don't understand completely; Im starting to see a startling sad picture of a horror I never thought anyone would ever validate or believe.
Its funny how people who have never had he guts to love anything; dont understand the great loss. People like me love deeply; and I lost all things concerning love and hope and a future. Many people dont understand that sadness of the losses and what could have been.
I never felt sorry for that old women; my best friends mom. I never did; I was hardened to her because I saw through it; I saw the evil; and now; I know; Im not alone.
I think my sponsor and I will spend more time arguing about what happened in that neighborhood; should be good for both of us. And I am moving forward; And I hope to have some kind of sad closer of that place and make a new start on life; its not to late for me to have a women and a baby and start a new life; Not quit yet; but getting their. All is good. Peace out...

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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