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The things I focus on; success

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 12, 2017 4:37 am

I remember as a child when my father was around; he was not paying for anything! So, he would act like a normal father; meaning, he acted like he was in charge and in control because he had no stress; he appeared successful because he was n to being warn down from work or any stressful situation; In reality, he was living a sociopathic fantasy at his wife's expense! Not that any of that is my business! It wasn't! The point is; At that time, my mother was kept away from me; she could not hurt me sadistically because I belonged to my father; I was his property! His equipment! that was not a bad thing; I was not physically abused by my father! the problem with my father; I was not taken care of. I was played with by my father as if he was taking care of me ; he was play acting! Therefore, I did not know anything was wrong in my household! For a short time, I liked my life! about the ages of 5 to 8 years old! I did not know anything was wrong! later, I would be destroyed! and in reality, I was being destroyed from the day I was born!
During this time period of 5 to 8 years old; and because I had a father; I began to make plans for what I saw on television! I saw skiers; then I wanted to be a skier or an astronaut or teacher or astronomer or artist or rock star or Beethoven. I wanted to be everything; an author, math genius! Many things! I still do I guess; I do; even tho Ive been beat up from the street up!
I began to focus on what I wanted; I kept negative things away and concentrated on the positive things; I did it naturally! and I hung around people I thought would have success! unfortunately I was doomed; but not in my choice of success thinking! I was doomed because I was never in a real environment that was safe; it was all fake and pre planned to fail! I was being used and would be thrown away in a year or 2! no one cared; they had pre planned it that way on purpose!
The point is; now, as I move past long term CPTSD and trauma; the best I can; Im heading back to thinking basics; Ive picked several goals to focus on. The number one goal is simple but hard! What I focus on grows! Create a new story for myself of a dominant thinking focus subject or desire and focus on the the highest feeling; best feeling of that, to the point of focusing on nothing else; watch it grow; give it imaginative plant food and water and sun light and love and develop it in my imagination; watch it grow from a seed to a giant tree that sprouts fruit!
Im learning the process of nurturing an idea; nurturing a thought desire; thoughts become things!
Im learning to go all the way; no dropping out; no sabotage; the word " sabotage" does not exist in situations like this; for success! its laughable!
Im learning what it feels like to go through fire and hang on as a normal way of living with my ideas, for my ideas! My ideas are desires from my imagination; these come from my subconscious! My subconscious gets them from the universe; the energy part of me hooked to the universe; my soul!
Thomas Edison created the light bulb! he had no help! meaning, he was on his own, a pioneer! It was on his shoulders! When things didn't work out the first time; it was his choice to continue! If it didn't work out the second time; in that lonely despair, he continued; no one made him! And he would continue many more times, not knowing what the future held; but he imagined what it would be like! So he went for it and never looked back! Easy?, I doubt it! He has a desire and he never quit! and its that simple! I get a desire and I do not quit no matter how long it takes! no matter what! And that is the trademark of wealthy people! That is how they become successful, they become successful before they become successful! They believe first, then they see it!
Im in the process of learning how to become successful! I have goals! Its getting to the point that I can announce those goes at groups with people and it feels completely natural as if Ive already got my goal! The desire or goal has become a dominant belief! A belief is something I tell myself over n over n over until I believe it!
Whats the journey like for developing a goal! It hurts; its like your being burned alive at times; it hurts deep! Sometimes it consumes all of me in pain and agony and exhaustion because theirs no answer! The goal does not appear yet, I thought it was just around the bend; and around the bend is another bend! and so on! I thought it was just beyond the mountain top! and yet, instead of finding the mountain top, Im stuck in another bending and twisting valley and I have to learn how to negotiate through it; and while working my way through this valley, it seems Im getting further and further away from my goals; However, in reality, as long as I stay aligned with source energy universe God Jesus holy spiritus; at the end of the work in this valley, Im actually stronger and better able to head in the right direction toward my goal; and Im more seasoned and mature! but what a screaming lonely bewildered shouting match with God during this session of things; and their will be more war before this goal is completed; lots more! and thus, this is what it takes to strengthen and make it to my goal! The sword must be put in the fire to become hardened!
So, being a 12 year old inside; I have my maturity lessons to work through! I have to grow! Ive decided not to through my life away, but to go in this opposite direction and save my life. God is their to help! ITs working! It takes massive amounts of work, and many people don't understand me or care! So; it can be a lonely venture!
Trust! This is the biggest problem I have with God; letting go of the outcome!
What does it mean to let go of the outcome?
First, I have a desire, I work on believing it can happen; then I stop! I dont take action! I allow the universe to come in and bring it to me! In a sense Im taking action by stopping myself from taking control! I learn to control myself and allow the universe to give! and I have to wait and watch and stay out of it!
If I told you I had nothing, yet, I wanted to go skiing! How would I do it! first Id have the desire in my head and hopefully it would feel good! next, I would get online and look up all the equipment I would need! I would want my own new equipment! I would need transportation, lift tickets, food, extra ski clothing,. money! people to go with. lodging, a ride home! Or my own transportation.
OKe; Where's all this stuff for skiing going to come from; I haven't got a dime to my name?
I write up stories of skiing, as if Im in the ski life with all my new equipment, as if Im skiing everyday and loving it! I write hundreds of these stories and I visualize in first person point of view, as if Im on the slopes having a blast! I use visions boards and focus wheels to continue to build hope and emotional momentum!
Resistance is the enemy, and its one of the main antagonists of success based thinkers! Books are written on specific techniques to nullify resistance; eliminate it; get it out of the way, or pathways to surpass it!
The goal would be; Im going to convince my subconscious that I am skiing and have been skiing! Im going to visualize enough times skiing, that my subconscious will not know the difference between a memory or my created visualizations! obviously, this is going to take allot of work! And this work level will separate the amateurs from the professionals! Meaning, the true pro will not quit; the pro manifestationalist will continue to do this work until a dominant story concerning their new belief is finished and complete and aligned with source energy! Lots of work here!
Once the new beliefs are in tact; the universe will kick in and make things happen! I ask source energy to unfold pathways to my goals; pathways I can find and work with! I am allowing and receiving from source energy; meaning, Im trusting and asking God for everything I will need! Im allowing this process to unfold; Im becoming a cooperative component of my growth experience!
Where do I get all the faith for this! I dont have it yet! Like Edison, I have to learn to hang on and ask source energy for it as I go; so, down the journey, their is much to learn! Im learning how to hang on to the rope of success and dont let go! And no one else can do this for me; no one; this is between me and God! Never let go of the goal, the desire; ever! Don't let go!
The point Im trying to make is; Im taking a broken life; Im learning to believe I already have success or came from a successful back ground; Im going to create new beliefs and desires and ideas and mold them, build them, feed them, nurture them, develop them, get sunlight on to them, love them adore them, protect those desire and watch them grow! They are going to grow and become part of my new identity in life; an identity of success and not failure! And all of this will come from my imagination and a desire to start where Im at to change my life from the inside out!
The past does not equal the future; I am starting a quest to be a success from a broken persons standpoint! It does not require anything from the past! However, non of this is easy!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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