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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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The struggle continues

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:57 am

Its hard; my background! What background? I was depleted out of my own life! And it was happening as I was trying to develop it; I didn't know!

I was being destroyed the minute I was born! Dissociative Disorder comes from age 1-3 from abuse! Its triggered later from other abuses! But generally, I was abused severely from age 1-3!~ They knew! My father knew! But I didn't know! I knew nothing!

My whole childhood was destroyed! I flunked out of school most of the time and did not realize it! I was so concerned about my condition because of the lack of love and stability! I never checked my grades; I thought it was the concern of my parents! But I did not know; their were no parents; only psychopaths and sociopaths!

One of the biggest wake up calls was the schooling situation being destroyed! This was the work of my mother! And later in school, and college; Im destroyed! No grades! Im flunking out of college! All the time! Im a D student through most of my schooling experiences! Generally, I would have been a strait A student! This is another example of the abuse and its severe consequences! Im sorry this happened!

The goal concerning the abuse! The goal is to assess and inventory, and let go of anger and hate through forgiveness! Forgiveness must be applied! Its horrible what they did to my life! However, it was not personal! Anger comes from taking it personally! This is hard; but possible to deal with! It hurts at a torturous level! Very brutal level!

I was pulled out of my home and forsaken! This is a brutal act of horror!

I have repressed anger! Some have called me a women hater! Ignorant people! I was not hating as one might see it; not personally! It's the abuse! I cant or could not get close to humans! And I still have it! But it slowly gets better as the poison leaves! And Im starting to see how I was over ran; and over ran all of my life!

Leaving the abusers;

So, you say! They owe you money, they stole your inheritance! You must leave and never return to them! They are not your friends! And if they are sociopaths or psychopaths; you have no family! Watch!; they will never return to you; they never wanted a relationship with you! Sociopaths do not need nor want relationships! They do not feel anything! They use people for opportunity!

They are not your family! You never had a family; ever! It is and always has been a blank screen!

I attempted to reach out to the community for help when young! I thought it normal! It was not! I was a latchkey kid! And now; I can see other neighborhood families aware that I was a latchkey kid! I did not know! They knew! They always knew!

None of the children I knew or grew up with; in later years, liked me! They all spit on me culturally or socially! I was hated as an outcast! It was strange; all of this! The way I was being treated; it was satanic! I was not aware of how I looked or acted around these people! I was not one of them; something was wrong!


People pleasing; Im still scared of bullies and I give in! Im still people pleasing! Im scared of them because they remind me of the abusers I was intimidated by! This bothers me! Im still allowing sociopaths to scare me and run my life through intimidation! Im scared of them; I melt like butter when around them! Im scared to death of them! They frighten me!

New Thinking;
Im starting to get new thinking! Im starting to regain the ability to dream and use my imagination!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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