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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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The struggle continues

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:57 am

Its hard; my background! What background? I was depleted out of my own life! And it was happening as I was trying to develop it; I didn't know!

I was being destroyed the minute I was born! Dissociative Disorder comes from age 1-3 from abuse! Its triggered later from other abuses! But generally, I was abused severely from age 1-3!~ They knew! My father knew! But I didn't know! I knew nothing!

My whole childhood was destroyed! I flunked out of school most of the time and did not realize it! I was so concerned about my condition because of the lack of love and stability! I never checked my grades; I thought it was the concern of my parents! But I did not know; their were no parents; only psychopaths and sociopaths!

One of the biggest wake up calls was the schooling situation being destroyed! This was the work of my mother! And later in school, and college; Im destroyed! No grades! Im flunking out of college! All the time! Im a D student through most of my schooling experiences! Generally, I would have been a strait A student! This is another example of the abuse and its severe consequences! Im sorry this happened!

The goal concerning the abuse! The goal is to assess and inventory, and let go of anger and hate through forgiveness! Forgiveness must be applied! Its horrible what they did to my life! However, it was not personal! Anger comes from taking it personally! This is hard; but possible to deal with! It hurts at a torturous level! Very brutal level!

I was pulled out of my home and forsaken! This is a brutal act of horror!

I have repressed anger! Some have called me a women hater! Ignorant people! I was not hating as one might see it; not personally! It's the abuse! I cant or could not get close to humans! And I still have it! But it slowly gets better as the poison leaves! And Im starting to see how I was over ran; and over ran all of my life!

Leaving the abusers;

So, you say! They owe you money, they stole your inheritance! You must leave and never return to them! They are not your friends! And if they are sociopaths or psychopaths; you have no family! Watch!; they will never return to you; they never wanted a relationship with you! Sociopaths do not need nor want relationships! They do not feel anything! They use people for opportunity!

They are not your family! You never had a family; ever! It is and always has been a blank screen!

I attempted to reach out to the community for help when young! I thought it normal! It was not! I was a latchkey kid! And now; I can see other neighborhood families aware that I was a latchkey kid! I did not know! They knew! They always knew!

None of the children I knew or grew up with; in later years, liked me! They all spit on me culturally or socially! I was hated as an outcast! It was strange; all of this! The way I was being treated; it was satanic! I was not aware of how I looked or acted around these people! I was not one of them; something was wrong!

People pleasing; Im still scared of bullies and I give in! Im still people pleasing! Im scared of them because they remind me of the abusers I was intimidated by! This bothers me! Im still allowing sociopaths to scare me and run my life through intimidation! Im scared of them; I melt like butter when around them! Im scared to death of them! They frighten me!

New Thinking;
Im starting to get new thinking! Im starting to regain the ability to dream and use my imagination!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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