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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/the_right_relationship%C7%83_b-12284_sid-c6ffb51ffd3e388e96411d14117bc8d0.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Jul 21, 2018 11:51 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | The right relationship! |
Looking back; I had no mother; ever; when very young; I waited for what I I saw on TV; the sitcoms; I waited for a mother to show up like what I saw on TV; nothing; nothing ever showed up; I waited and waited and waited; and nothing! I never got anything physical or emotional development from a women; nothing! ever! . Now; When seeking relationships; I look at this impossible task and wonder how this is going to become; . What women; what are the right women to come into my life to help me! to help me out! who will they be! . I cant imagine; or I have to imagine who they might be if Im going to attract them! . I thought to myself; They could help me as if they were my first girlfriends! Meaning, Im like a teenager; and they will be my first girlfriends! . And then I thought; I need a family; what I missed in a family I never had; day after day after day of development; I remember as a small child; it was TV; thats where I got my day to day hope of what could be and would comes next; and I had nothing else; nothing! . . I thought; OK; I need a girlfriend to help me through the years of being destroyed, betrayed and abused; Then I thought; my God; no?; I have to go back further; I have to go back to when a small small child that got no attention or not the right kind of real attention! . I have to have a girlfriend be a mother to me as if Im a small child from the beginning of my life! Not a problem; a decent respectable girl would have no problem with this; meaning " women"! I being a man; always call women girls; thats what men do! . . FIrst; God brings all things! The universe matches me up with the right people; so I have to learn to let go after asking the universe for what I want! So; its about trusting the universe! . . . I want a match to what I desire! I want a women for what I desire! The question is; am I a match to myself! I want a women to match me; am I a match to myself! . . I have to be willing to care about a women; the small child within her; because she had nothing her whole life; and no one to love her; I must love the small child within her! . I tried this one; to love a women; the small child within her; I failed! when it came time for me to make the jump from boyhood to manhood; I failed; I could not make this jump because it was ridiculous; I could not make this jump! I had a whole life time of missed experiences to learn; this was ridiculous! I thought the girl was making me skip my development and go strait into responsibility as a man; this is completely uncalled for and ridiculous! She never said it; that I had to become a man; but she never acknowledged that I dont become a man yet and get the help I need! However, she needed to be loved; she was not worried about my condition; she just wanted to be loved! . I blamed her for not putting her attention on me and my problems! I judged or the way I was judging myself! She was innocent and had no idea what was going on inside my body! . . I have to give what it is Im expecting to get! I have to create the situation within a women; I have to create a situation where Im the care giver of the child within in; this creates a women that wants to take care of me! The question is; who is worthy of such a thing; and this hurts; this is so hard; I feel like Im back in society with nothing but a bunch of murders again; who; from this lot of filth am I suppose to pick as my lover! |
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