My first venture with the public has left me optimistic! Yet, reality is not optimistic! reality is an account of things; things in reality!
So, I have one homeless mentally ill women that might like me! She's attractive but not home!
And the rest; I had my chance with one women from the meetings 9 months ago! My mental condition did not allow me to act in time, and in frustration and concern, she moved on! and that left me in frustrated.
Ive spend 18 years around these rooms without a clue of interest to the outside world. Within that time period Ive worked a steady program to get better; and Im getting better.
A few months ago, I broke into a new social miracle! I was able to interact with sanity within groups of people; its not perfect! I burn out fast! Im weak...
In the past I could handle 2 interactions; now I have several dozen thrown at me! within a half hour Im through! My mind shuts down!
In church I last about 40 minutes and my mind goes out!
and it is a beginning! Anything else will have to be earned!
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Delusional thinking;
I have delusions about others. I find the people Im projecting on are not as scary as I thought! they never had the intellect or depth or emotional maturity or understanding I thought they did! I was projecting from my PTSD states...
Its easier to let go these days of people that are murky! I listen and understand they deserve a break, they cannot compete! and, although scary, should not be held accountable!
The future is about taking chances with others and practice: and no delusional fantasy thinking only facts after the facts...
When you save 1 dollar with another, how many dollars do you have; 2 dollars. This is an example of sane thinking! I have a tendency to go into the unreal and delusional when describing reality! example; how many dollars do you have when you add 1 dollar with another, simple! You lie about the face value of one of the dollars and end up with 6 dollars when in actuality you only have 2.
Projecting does not count. If I want results on paper, I must do the work in the field, and this starts with practice of the fundamentals. And taking chances in the field with real people!
I must understand that others will not respond to me! Its the way of reality! Not everyone wants to be my friend or future girlfriend!