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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/the_process_of_out_thinking_ptsd%C7%83_b-12404_sid-d883f42eb330d7fa39f27f6285939b5b.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Sep 01, 2018 5:32 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | The process of out thinking PTSD! |
With dissociative disorder and CPTSD as the base; I've been a shut in within myself; catatonic; thats what it looked like; autism! . The PTSD effects my every move in the present! . Relationships and CPTSD! . So; I have an idea; I see a women; I find her attractive; and I feel it! I cant do anything about it; I don't take it that seriously because Im stuck inside myself! I feel it and want her; but its a distant kind of " what her" My feelings are distant from me; I feel the base of them; but they do not stem into me from the base; they seem to go somewhere else; somewhere other then me! They are distant! The thoughts; They wont appear! . So; when I see the women; I shy up and wont talk to her or say hello to her! I pull back! The thoughts must be in my mind to say something to her; I cant! I don't have the thoughts; my thoughts are being taken over by PTSD! So; Im stuck physically; cant move! . I have to walk over to her; shake her hand; Im possible; Im not able to have a thought of it! So; theirs nothing to act upon; all I can be is a drone looking out my eyes with no physical movement! . I must be able to start up a conversation with her and get a phone number; not if I cant see it in my head first! Even walking over to someone quickly; there is a thought first a quick flashing thought with in the mind! . Next; taking her out on date; impossible, if i cannot think it first! and this has been a giant dilemma; This area has been closed off to me because of dissociative disorder! my mind dissociative before I can create a scene in my mind of asking her out and taking her on a date; its 2 real; in the real world; to much independent personal power! to much for my mind to handle; to much reality! The last time I was forced to be on my own; independently thinking; I was being destroyed; that when young! . So; thinking to realistically into the future; thats to heavy for my condition! I cant go that far; its been to much; will send me over the top and dropped! . Sex; This is a huge problem; but its not being in bed with the person; its everything before it! So; sexual behavior is Ok; the problem is sharing my life with someone else! I was not present in reality; being with someone is present in reality! . . So; whats changed so far! The most significant change recently; Im starting to get visuals of asking women out! Im seeing myself walk up and ask them out with confidence! I must see it in my head first before I will act upon it! This is a good sign; it means Im defeating resistance! its slow going. . My mind is having breakthroughs into the present! |
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