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OMNICELL
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Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- October 2019
Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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The process of out thinking PTSD!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 01, 2018 5:32 am

With dissociative disorder and CPTSD as the base; I've been a shut in within myself; catatonic; thats what it looked like; autism!
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The PTSD effects my every move in the present!
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Relationships and CPTSD!
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So; I have an idea; I see a women; I find her attractive; and I feel it! I cant do anything about it; I don't take it that seriously because Im stuck inside myself! I feel it and want her; but its a distant kind of " what her" My feelings are distant from me; I feel the base of them; but they do not stem into me from the base; they seem to go somewhere else; somewhere other then me! They are distant! The thoughts; They wont appear!
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So; when I see the women; I shy up and wont talk to her or say hello to her! I pull back! The thoughts must be in my mind to say something to her; I cant! I don't have the thoughts; my thoughts are being taken over by PTSD! So; Im stuck physically; cant move!
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I have to walk over to her; shake her hand; Im possible; Im not able to have a thought of it! So; theirs nothing to act upon; all I can be is a drone looking out my eyes with no physical movement!
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I must be able to start up a conversation with her and get a phone number; not if I cant see it in my head first! Even walking over to someone quickly; there is a thought first a quick flashing thought with in the mind!
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Next; taking her out on date; impossible, if i cannot think it first! and this has been a giant dilemma; This area has been closed off to me because of dissociative disorder! my mind dissociative before I can create a scene in my mind of asking her out and taking her on a date; its 2 real; in the real world; to much independent personal power! to much for my mind to handle; to much reality! The last time I was forced to be on my own; independently thinking; I was being destroyed; that when young!
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So; thinking to realistically into the future; thats to heavy for my condition! I cant go that far; its been to much; will send me over the top and dropped!
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Sex; This is a huge problem; but its not being in bed with the person; its everything before it! So; sexual behavior is Ok; the problem is sharing my life with someone else! I was not present in reality; being with someone is present in reality!
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So; whats changed so far!
The most significant change recently; Im starting to get visuals of asking women out! Im seeing myself walk up and ask them out with confidence! I must see it in my head first before I will act upon it! This is a good sign; it means Im defeating resistance! its slow going.
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My mind is having breakthroughs into the present!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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