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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (960)
Archives
- July 2019
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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The process of out thinking PTSD!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Sep 01, 2018 5:32 am

With dissociative disorder and CPTSD as the base; I've been a shut in within myself; catatonic; thats what it looked like; autism!
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The PTSD effects my every move in the present!
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Relationships and CPTSD!
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So; I have an idea; I see a women; I find her attractive; and I feel it! I cant do anything about it; I don't take it that seriously because Im stuck inside myself! I feel it and want her; but its a distant kind of " what her" My feelings are distant from me; I feel the base of them; but they do not stem into me from the base; they seem to go somewhere else; somewhere other then me! They are distant! The thoughts; They wont appear!
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So; when I see the women; I shy up and wont talk to her or say hello to her! I pull back! The thoughts must be in my mind to say something to her; I cant! I don't have the thoughts; my thoughts are being taken over by PTSD! So; Im stuck physically; cant move!
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I have to walk over to her; shake her hand; Im possible; Im not able to have a thought of it! So; theirs nothing to act upon; all I can be is a drone looking out my eyes with no physical movement!
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I must be able to start up a conversation with her and get a phone number; not if I cant see it in my head first! Even walking over to someone quickly; there is a thought first a quick flashing thought with in the mind!
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Next; taking her out on date; impossible, if i cannot think it first! and this has been a giant dilemma; This area has been closed off to me because of dissociative disorder! my mind dissociative before I can create a scene in my mind of asking her out and taking her on a date; its 2 real; in the real world; to much independent personal power! to much for my mind to handle; to much reality! The last time I was forced to be on my own; independently thinking; I was being destroyed; that when young!
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So; thinking to realistically into the future; thats to heavy for my condition! I cant go that far; its been to much; will send me over the top and dropped!
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Sex; This is a huge problem; but its not being in bed with the person; its everything before it! So; sexual behavior is Ok; the problem is sharing my life with someone else! I was not present in reality; being with someone is present in reality!
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So; whats changed so far!
The most significant change recently; Im starting to get visuals of asking women out! Im seeing myself walk up and ask them out with confidence! I must see it in my head first before I will act upon it! This is a good sign; it means Im defeating resistance! its slow going.
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My mind is having breakthroughs into the present!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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