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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1138)
- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
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bulling and apologizing
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My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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The past; new changes!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Dec 24, 2015 4:28 am

First, I started talking for the first time concerning my abilities within the school system! Ive never done this!

My schooling was completely destroyed from the beginning! I was never able to apply myself or have a direction! and because of trauma and PTSD! and other stuff, I was never able to think correctly or get into the work! I could not get close to anything, I dissociated!

trauma kept me from getting close to anything!

I did horribly, or worse in school; I flunked out several times, several years because of trauma! no one cared! they just got rid of me! I did not know what I know now about the psychopath! I was being marginalized, used and exploited!

I was being exploited from the beginning! that is the best word I can come up with! I was being lied to then used!

When your very young; the sociopath likes having you around because you have complete worship of them! and they control everything about you! However, the real reason they want small children around them; the sociopath has no friends! they need someone around them to do things with or make them look normal!
My father used to take me skiing! he did this because their was no one else to ski with! I used to think it was about me! but it was not! he was simply using people; and not just me!

if a psychopath takes you skiing or buys you something; guess what; that does not mean they are a nice psychopath or your diagnoses of them is incorrect! They are simply manipulating the child for something! they are still psychopaths! nothing has changed!

Many psychopaths cloth their children, feed them, home them, have a wife or wife has a husband! they play normal and relaxed in the community to fit in! but they are deadly within a moment! and a moment is all it takes! they are unpredictable animals! they can turn on you in seconds, or never in years! it might take several years! but they are still psychopaths! and humans are simply objects to be used! they can hug a child one moment! and kill them the next no thought about! no remorse! no feeling! they see children as no different then barn animals! are small bears! or cabin furniture! same difference! Looking back at childhood experiences! My father really never payed for anything! and he did not do much! he showed up at a place and I ws with him and made my own fun! He was never present for me! There were times he tried to fake it and act interested! Not a hard thing to do; he was living of his wife's money! How hard was it! he acted like he had money and was taking care of everything! it was a shiftless lie! He was a pathological liar!

Schooling! I was never able to start applying mysel! I was destroyed and ran over and drown in trauma and neglect long before I would be able to apply any part of self or development! I had mass potential! it was covered by defenses, soon enough defenses to not be able to associate with anything in front of me! I could not do home work or any work! nothing!

Grade school, started out OK! got worse by the 3rd grade, much worse with time as no one cared about my studying or grades; Nothing! I was an object, why who'd the house owners care what my future looked like! they did not! I was a piece of furniture, nothing more!

Junior high was a horrible ordeal with bullying and lonely confusion and destress! I remember learning nothing, and not being able to apply myself! Flunking out most of the time!

High school was no better! none of it! constant bulling! I did become popular for a while! I could not get into studying or class work or applying myself because of trauma and PTSD! I could not! all I could do was run around like I had Hyper disorder! I made friends and took chances, but no way to interact with books or classes! I was flunking most classes or getting D's! no one cared! it was funny when the school called up my mother to tell her I was flunking out but smart! she was a psychopath! she simply went along with it! it was all a joke! all of it; to her; she had gotten rid of me ages ago!

I had no business around her anymore! but I did not understand! I did not know this; that I should not be around her again!

So, I was flunking out of high school because of neglect and trauma! No one cared, they put me into remedial classes! ###$, I was a brilliant person! they didn't care, no one did! I was a throw away!

I moved in with a bunch of strangers my senior year in high school; back home across the state, and some how managed to work with the school counselor and graduate! it was demoralizing! I had big plans when young, it was all so very sad and horrible and disgraceful! and this is the direct damage of being exposed to psycho-paths! and being around them!

College was a horrible horrible deplorable nightmare! I was like an 80 year old man! I was completely burned out of life by the time I was 18 years old! I was treated so horribly and exploited for a long long time! My mind and nervous system were shattered and in tatters! I was ruptured; my mind!

The people I lived with in high school! my mother paid a small amount each month that I leave and not come back! I was aware of what she was doing! I Was in the 11th grade when I lived with her! and she knew it;She knew that I knew what she was! she tried to bribe me! I told her " no'! I was not interested!

I therefore went to live with a family system in my home town! I had known them as a boy! unfortunately! their were no good feelings for me when I entered their home! I was not wanted; it was obvious! but I had no idea what was to come! I was treated like a complete stranger outcast from society! I was treated as if I was an untouchable; worthless drifter free loader that lived off of people! I was treated like a second rate foster kid! They didn't care; why should they! they would not be seeing me again! and they never wanted to see me in the first place!

As a child I played at their home! it was a convenience for their son! what I did not realize! they meant more to me; to my survival, then I meant to them! I meant nothing to them! I was not noticed when I was at their home as a boy! and I was forgotten that much faster when I left!

I did not know I had no value to these people! in fact! I lived down the street! that is the only thing I had in common!~ I did not know this at the time! I learned it later the hard way when the doors were locked and shut in my face! I was being abused and they wanted nothing to do it it or me! God will see fit to deal with these people!

Its not alright to destroy a child so you can live as you wish! I was underage during all of this! and God will not let this undone! their will be justice in his kingdom!


College was a horror show of misery, repeating classes over n over n over because I did not know what to do with my life! I had no direction, no love, I had lost everything! PTSD was raging through my mind and body as alarming long term deep levels and getting much worse! clinical depression, agoraphobia! AVPD! and other things! addictions to drugs had cooled of, but porn was raging, and alcohol would show its face at some point in the future!

I would go to my college for a useless experience and no direction! flunk out or leave! I could not work, I could not function as a regular person around people! signs of dissociative disorder!

Another shot at college! I had no interest, just hatred and pain and mass contempt! I was completely empty inside!

another college somewhere else! another community college! a complete collapse! or another University! Strait D's! I had no interest!

then another college or University, or another! I was so mantel and broken and sick!

Finally another, and I graduated, but I was so mental by this time, and strung out and broken and nuts! Dissociative disorder has already kicked in and I could not communicate any longer! I was going completely nuts!

My grades were C's at best and I had no direction! I was hiding in these schools from the real world! I was very mentally ill and could not handle reality!

My Grandmother was and had been paying for all of this over, and over, and over! she was no better then my mother! she was a bit better, she shelled out money at that time! but was of no value to me! I was living with her or back n fourth with others or other original family members! over n over n over n over n over, I did this since the age of 10! no one cared of wanted me! I meant nothing to everyone!
School was a strange horrible nightmare of disinterest! I could never function because of the PTSd! I did flunk one quarter and kicked out! but they checked the class and realized something was wrong with me mentally because it did not make sense! its like my mind dropped out! i dropped out in the 11th grade and moved away; no one cared! and they didn't care if they ever saw me again!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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