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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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The next step; how long will it take.

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jul 27, 2019 3:43 pm

Im beginning to see that the direction of my life is not in the outside world; it is in my imagination; As my imagination grows I grow; When I was alive; it was because the inside of me was alive with a vivid imagination of my life.
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My imagination was supported when a child; and I grew inside; The reality was; I thought my imagination and my life were being supported so I allowed my imagination to grow; In reality; I was covertly being slowly and carefully set up to be destroyed. And it happened.
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I was like a tree with its base cut off; they took the axe and cut the tree at the base; I was busy looking up to the stars/sky/heavens allowing my tree to grow and it purpose to grow; while I was looking up smiling at the sun and the heavens; they took an axe out while I was not looking down and cut me into. It was like being be headed; thats what happened.
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Now; I need a group of people standing around the trunk of that tree that was cut up; I need them as I go back and look at my own beheading. I need those people to gather around that beheaded tree and stand hand in hand as I move forward and look at my own death; and if you look closely; you will see small flowers starting to grow out of that stump; at the top flat base of the stump; and if you look closer; you will see the stump is alive and right under the stump; right under the flat wood grain; if you look closely enough; the whole area is starting to grow with little tiny vines coming out of the pores of the wood; millions of them; for the stump is alive again; it is a tree that has formed and its in the stump waiting to grow into a tree again; but its got a journey to come back.
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So; my imagination is growing and fulfilling; the problem is; if it is a problem; is the age of the child in the tree stump; its ok; but; My imagination is at an age of playing in the beginning of life. And the adult in me wants women and car; but It wont happen because thats not me align; I have to align things for things to happen.
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The tree stump must grow and get older in maturity age; it starts out again as a boy stump; and I want it to grow into a teenager stump and beyond. A gap resides where the boy is and the teenager; they boy is 5 or 6 years old; maybe 7; the maybe; the goal is a teenager that wants a car.
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Ill know when I naturally want a car; I wont have any prior interest in anything; I will have lived up to the point; lived the past and worked through it; and suddenly Ill want a car and what I have to do to get that car; right now; thats being blocked by the small child in me wanting other things to develop.
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Its not easy developing; non of this is for the faint of heart; As I attempt to develop new; I'm reminded of what happened to me in the first place. I know I was killed and destroyed; I know this! I walk into those same lanes I did as a boy. Im attempting to walk through those lanes and deal with whats in front of me. To confront those demons...
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I want to be old enough and mature enough when facing those demons that their not that big anymore; I want to grow.
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The ability to grow has to do with my imagination growing through writing and meditation; the ability to aline with my inner being; Im not in control of the outcome and that means blind faith in the universe; not an easy thing for me.
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The goal is to be happy.
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what is happiness; it is alignment and feeling safe to concentrate on that alignment without any interference. How will God pull this off; It has to do with my focus; what am I suppose to be focusing on.
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I have to align to understand what Im suppose to be focusing on. This is the hard part.
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Who am I; do I feel safe being myself; I must do the hard work of writing about it; keep writing and looking into what it will take; the steps to get to where I want to go and allow the universe to open up in my imagination..

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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