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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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The move forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Aug 25, 2012 6:02 am

Lost

Developmental stage anxiety... Who is safe to work with.... I see a therapist once a month... Thats not enough to grow forward from age 6 through 14..... I will have to study how to work on more developmental aging...

Im needing to make the jump from inside person to outside self actualization person... This is a whole leap in itself..

People Im associating with will not help me with it... They are being a B@tch.... They know Im trying to move through them... They wont help connect or grow.... Where do I go...

Im tired of being deceived by people. I will keep praying and forgiving and moving forward..

An example of the above would be: I hip hop dance in the merrier, I like to make music... so,,
I create a DJ thing with my own music and play for a dance while Im singing my own electronics songs dancing to them; in front of the audience...

The developmental issues are killing me... I cant move, cant budge... The growth I need has to come from someone or somewhere else... Im needing connection with others that understand...

This change will be very immature in view... Im not looking forward to the truth of how I really am, really look and how feeble I will act.. It is coming about slowly... Im very very lonely right now... No one is with me or on my side on this, as most people don't know me well enough to understand what support is....

This is possible...... I need the connection with others... I have to reach out connect, and reach back.... Reached by a thousand hands... So many people have spit on me and shunned me.... Its crazy.... I have God.. ITs about my thoughts and how they change to hope... Hope comes from change in the real world, that comes from changing my behavior... Im not sure how to do that, or what direction to start in.... What step.... I will have to trust God and keep working through this...

Im not at the beginning yet, Im still on the other side of the wall... I have not been able to walk through the mirror into wonderland; not yet... That is an idea Im attempting to believe.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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