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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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The later truth

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Aug 12, 2015 11:31 pm

Im loosing my teeth; one at a time; it's its costing allot of money to have them pulled; one at a time!

I cant let these things get me down! I just cant' Im must keep working with God!

=======

I come from a strange weirdo background!

I did not have money, but the people I came from had some money! I saw it; I got to live in their house! Eat their food! Wear the clothing they bought!

I was so broken hearted; my life was destroyed! I was so enraged at how I had been treated and mis treated and abused! I was in so much rage and hate and PTSD! I hated everything! I just wanted to die!

Did I have money! I never cared about money or a car or anything else! I just wanted my life back and to be connected to a family and loved; there was no such thing! I was used and mis used by people!

When people; friends found out I had problems; they dismissed me as If I had never been born!

I end up in poverty and mentally ill! I just wanted to die!

Now as I wake up, I realize Im in poverty; I don't even had enough money to take care of my teeth! Im enraged about that! Not happy! Doesn't seem fair! All I have is God!
--------------------------------

Women; big big problems with women;

My attitude about women is ######6 enraging Like a lot of men; they thing of nothing but rage when they think of women; and for good reason! They've been betrayed!

Ive got big big problems with women and my emotions! Therapist time! I mean lots of rage and hate and blame! Go to war rage! Deep rage and hatred! Most of it come from; you treat others with respect for what they are worth!

I am frustrated! I could not treat others with respect! But I felt it for them! And no one wanted to go deep enough to see this! I was judged and thrown away!

Im seeing something! First I have to treat women with respect! I don't know how to trust them enough to let them into my personal circle to do this! They take advantage of you!

They smile, act nice, you fall for it; then they betray you; evil is what this $#%^ is; and I don't want any part of it!

Something is wrong when it comes to women! I know the people who brought me up tried to damage and destroy me! I know most of this was an act by a few women! And later,. More who betrayed me!

Still; thats not good enough! Something is wrong! Therapy time!

I wont let someone into my space until the question what the situation is and whats causing the problems! If they're not safe enough to even ask "what the ###$ is the problem"; whats the point; I don't want them around me!

but I do want women around me! The right ones! Or I need to learn how to communicate to women again! Im so ######6 deeply enraged; I think Im ruined!

The best place to start is not with women; but with myself and my own feeling of deep bitter hatred!

Im pissed because women don't have to ask questions and find out the truth! They are pure opportunists and nothing else!

Ive seen plenty of women " in love" as long as the guy has plenty of money! Then fall out of love when he was struggling! Then go look for someone else that is exciting!

Im jealous because Im out of the loop! But am I really jealous! I mean; yes, sort a; but no, I don't want to climb a later to be with some ######6 worthless scum bag!

So, whats the answer! Possibly, I judge, Im the opportunist that is not getting the opportunity! Or I loose the opportunity by chickening out! Im afraid the girl will find out Im nothing; nobody!

Something is seriously, and really ###$ up!

Im scared to death of being judged by women because of my economic situation! Thats a big big one!

Im not feeling anything like I did when I was younger, I had it scared and brutalized out of me!

Im afraid Im no good for anyone! Theres no point; Im psychotic! if I could just get a little bit better! Then maybe I could talk to girls again; approach them! I think its possible! but the masks have to come down!

I have allot of problems of deception! Girls taking an interest in me when they have a man or marred! Their just window shopping; but no one told me that! And several of them do this! And you think these girls actually like you, so you go with it! And find out later, they were all playing you!

No one likes this kind of thing! Decent people don't like going through this! It gives others a bad name!

So, I have problems with women; it stems from being locked out of my life when young! And I blame women for this? OK, I blame the women that were in my life at the time!

Look; theres plenty of idiots in society! Idiots that wont give me the time of day because their to ######6 stupid! Do they owe me something! Those are the people that ignore me! Im an intelligent thinking person! Why the ###$ would you ignore me? Class consideration! No money! No privilege! Not my fault! No matter! No one cares! I get blamed and shunned! Its as simple as that! Seems these people are proud to shun me as if they are superior and they finally figured this out! They are proud that they figured out feel better then me! Im not good enough to associate or talk to them!

Several of these type of people are women! And it ######6 enrages me! It enrages allot of men! Especially when you don't deserve it! But, I got to let go of this type of thinking! No one owes me anything!

Time to go to the steps and the therapist office!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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