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OMNICELL
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The drop off

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Feb 22, 2014 9:13 pm

What is the drop off. The drop of occurred when I was 11 years old or 10 years old.

I feel safe in my house with my friends and school, and father and mother and brothers. Then my parents get a divorce. However, no one cares about me or what will happen to me. Nor does anyone care about my losses, or my loss of home, family, brothers, relatives, schooling, friends, other relationships.. Personal relationships. Nor about the neighborhood I came from. No one cares about break downs or suicide or death; nothing. Father figure at this point does is not in the picture. Does not care if I eat or have clothing or housing; nothing. He's gone!

At this point my mother sells the home out from under us with the intentions of leaving; and leaving us ( children). She is off to find the perfect family to start a new life.. We have been aced from the picture. We are throw away has-bins; as if we never existed.

After the divorce, I am asked where I want to live. I say my father. I was with my father for about 2 months. He cared nothing for me! I meant nothing to him; I never knew he felt nothing for me until I lived with him. I had to go back to my mother...

My father would never take interest in me again! All of my dreams died! I died. This is the beginning of the insecurities of drop off. I had a full life building on my own work! The house owners ( parents) destroyed this with permanence. It was not personal in the sense of personal attack ( It was an aggressive attack against decency). But it was a personal genocide of the cultural and personal life of innocent unsuspecting children. I was one of them. the result was death in several forms. These were dangerous ruthless senseless sociopaths.

So, the drop; identity was cut of into abuse! As my memories come back, I desire to complete my life. . The problem; insanity when I attempt to move forward. Im slowly learning!

"Physical development. Adolescence is a time of change throughout the body. A growth spurt usually occurs near the time of puberty. Girls begin to develop breasts and start their periods. Boys grow facial hair. Both boys and girls grow pubic hair. Boys may lag behind girls in height during these years, but they usually end up taller."

If you are raped or abused, this whole experience is stunted and mangled and ruptured.

"Cognitive development. This is how the brain develops the abilities to think, learn, reason, and remember. Kids this age typically focus on the present, but they are starting to understand that what they do now can have long-term effects. They are also beginning to see that issues are not just clear-cut and that information can be interpreted in different ways."

This was very mangled for me, and slammed back down my throat... watered down and neglected; especially " information can be interpreted in different ways"

"Emotional and social development. As they start to move from childhood into adulthood, adolescents feel the urge to be more independent from their families. Often, friends replace parents as a source of advice. When at home, adolescents may prefer spending time alone to being part of the family. Still, family support is important to help them build a strong sense of self."

Ruined! I gave up in sadness because I loved my parents and they through me away and the house I loved and my life.

"Sensory and motor development. Kids this age may be a little awkward or clumsy. Their brains need time to adjust to longer limbs and bigger bodies. Getting regular moderate exercise can improve coordination and help your child build healthy habits."

I was bullied but started lifting weights and playing more drums... still, no development; abilities neglected, true neglect! and this is horrifying. And this is the beginning of being broken again and again into poverty thinking; into poverty!

---------
Getting over the loss of a family system is a big deal when no one understands or cares to understand. And I do not give my information away! No one ever asks me about my past! no one cares. It makes me sick! this whole society makes me sick; murderers of the young and thrown away! Im shocked by all of it. Im talking about western societies in general. They torture and teach bulling that it make more money through intimidating, at the expense of the people!

Im learning to forgive everyone. Not easy; it brings me into the present! thats allot of responsibility; I mean massive amounts. If I have no regrets or resentments, Im fully present or dealing with my emotions; emotions heading outward not inward. Thats allot of stimulus; lots of it!

Lots of movement; forgive everyone and move on. I got stuck around people, because I was intimidated when I was young. I was threatened with abandonment. after I was traumatized by this, bullies would see I was traumatized and start coming at me. They sensed blood, that I was weakened. So, they came in for the attack. It made me sick that nothing was safe in my country. Its ridiculous. I thought I was safe and could protect myself. Nothing could be further from the truth.

My death meant nothing! The fact that I was abused and terrorized to death meant nothing! No one cared. Im suggesting in a subtle way, society is like a prison camp with a nice paint job! Its a nazi party without the red balloons... There is a struggle of power going on in the world between the sociopath and the decent men and women and children that want normal lives; civilized lives. Im sorry things are as they are. I feel helpless. Lots of murderers walking around in blue suits n ties!
I have to turn to God. I feel like a coward that has been scared out of living; frightened out of it! frightened out of moving in any direction. I am starting to address these things; look at them.

I need to wake up a bit more...

I am working on letting go of people that don't count!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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