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OMNICELL
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THe Dance and other things and people

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:09 pm

The dance went exceptionally well for several reasons....

The girl I was interested in is interested in me... .

Im finding that its not about perfection, its about acceptance of imperfection, thus the understanding of reality... If you want something, that something will be in reality... One does not need it to be perfect, one has to understand and accept that it wont be perfect or anything close.. It is what it is...

For example; Lets assume I want a perfect relationship that is always happy and smiling... Well, I will never be on a date with that attitude... Its sounds good on paper.. .However, I don't live on paper, I live in reality...,. The rules to reality are.: how bad do I want something in reality... If I want it bad enough, I bend to the rules in reality... As the life Im looking for is not in my head, it is in reality... Therefore, reality dictates certain rules...

1. I have no control of people, places, and things
2. I can change no one
3. Everything is completely imperfect and dysfunctional; do I still want a relationship based in reality? After knowing the rules of the game, its up me....

In a perfect relationship in my head: the girl is smiling and friendly and understanding and nice, and is so safe I can open up anything to her... She is always there for me and thinking about me.. She is at the highest levels of self actualization needs.. She never needs food, does not need to sleep. she never needs the basics.. They are always covered some how.... She is complete. All she thinks about is me and how she can please me. Therefore life is perfect..

In reality: She cries all the time, laughs all the time, fights with me, deals with her dysfunctions all the time, does not have time for me half the time... Is not nice, She is mean sometimes, insensitive some times, wont loss weight when I tell her... Wont respect me all the time... Has her own strangeness... Might have children: Im not the father... drug problems, people problems... all kinds of problems, doesn't have time for me...

She gets mad at me, misunderstands me, tries to little , tries to hard...

conclusion: reality dictates that if I want a girl friend; Im looking for one in the real world based on reality... So, its not about perfection, its about acceptance... This is a very important concept...

When I create a perfect world in my head, the only place it transfers to is a place for ideas; like paper. I then transfer to reality! As I transfer to reality, everything changes... The only thing that remains is the outer shell of a thing; everything else changes...

So the girl Im dreaming about will be nothing in reality like Im dreaming. How she acts, what she does, how she perceives is not up to me... I have no control over it.. Whether she likes me some of the time and not all the time is up to her, its out of my hands. If I want her bad enough, I bend to reality....

Its very important to have things in reality; life becomes a giant isolation tank if things are not in reality...

Im an introverted thinker, therefore, I have lived a closed in life for years... It has taken much work to get back into reality and appreciate it..
--

Social situations:

Im in many social situation where people hate me or want to control me... They have deep hatred or fear or contempt: contempt and fear mixed together... nice combo.... Im still dealing with these people, they serve me well to allow me to brush up against them that it make me stronger... Its a despicable allotment of energy, However, it has its functions... and its working... People don't like the idea Im using them to get well..

Vibes:

The vibes are; Im not playing the game according to anyones rules, therefore I shall be in danger of ridicule, un-acceptance and banishment. Im not suppose to operate according to my own agenda... Im bypassing everyone and everything around me... Its making the locals look bad in front of themselves and in front of me... they hold no power over me when I naturally expose the truth... most want me out! out of there lives... Im not ready to go yet... Im getting stronger... they will have to wait... Its worse then jealously, it disrupts everything these people have been investing and hiding in... They want to use me as a scape goat... However, something is revealed that as they are using me, I've been using them at a much deeper level and theres nothing they can do about it... Either direction; if they get rid of me, it exposes there own character flaws.. . To save face, they cant get rid of me, and how they look is everything to these type of people.

They do not want me around.. I serve no purpose for them... and these type of situations are everywhere, they are not isolated to one building or situation... its just the general state of things... I will have to trust God, and keep going... Im learning to work through a modern simulation of the neighborhood I grew up in... It hurts a great deal... Its horrible...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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