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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (957)
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- July 2019
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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The Christian view of " helping the poor"; is not appicalbe here

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Nov 22, 2017 5:29 pm

I spent years of my life being demoralized and lied to by other people; scumbags; sociopaths; some psychopaths and pathological degenerates! I do not have to do this anymore! By the time I was 18 years old; I was an old man! No one cared about me! but I had to care about them forcibly! I either allowed what they did or I was abandon! in the end, I was abandon anyway, and chasing them down! I was to ignorant to know what was happening; that I was chasing down monsters I should have never been around in the first place!. The alternative to being around them was the stark reality of being completely alone and never having a life in the first place! I could not handle that horrible reality! I was a throw away and had been used the whole time; I was exploited and led on that I would have a life! I never got a life; it was all a game, I was basically thrown to the streets as a child! and I was never brought up! the TV is all I knew! The surroundings were not what they appeared to be! It was all contrived, every bit of my childhood! I was no better then a street person the whole of the time and never knew!
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It was like baby sitting adults; I had to chase them down or deal with them and their actions! I had to tolerate them! baby sit them; I put in my time for people that use me! I dont have to do it anymore! Im not a ogore. Im not suggesting Im not a descent person! I dont care anymore! God did not send me to help the poor! I am the poor, I turned into the poor after I was given away to the streets or where ever I landed! I had no time to my own life or resources for my own well being or future!
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I am to follow source energy; Jesus Christ Universal; he is source energy; the energy of the universe. I am to honor source energy first! meaning, I turn to source energy to ask source energy what to do; the universe; not the person next to me! I dont get advice from people! I talk to the universe! If the universe is leading me away from the poor and into a new wonderful life; I go with it!
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My conscious is according to my guidance system; My guidance system only takes orders from my higher power source energy! That determines what I focus on!
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This subject is a huge real problem for me! its keeping at the lower levels of humanity!
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I thought that if I acted like Im interested in the poor, I would get something out of it! I never got anywhere! nothing! my feelings were trying to connect with something that would love me! I was hoping the poor would see my value and love me! " Wrong", First, I was never around the poor! it was all in my head! next, the poor I associated with were never hurting like I am! They seemed to be OK! I was the one that was not OK with myself or my life! I was running from my life and my potential and my dreams! I did not feel good enough to have dreams or follow them!
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How am I going to feel better about myself; by following through with my dreams; Im not going to feel better by diverting what Im suppose to do by helping the poor! It seems crazy, now that I thinking about it! What do I really want_________?, a house, truck, Asian-soulmate, train set, lots of money! Who is going to get this stuff! I am; working with God! am I suppose to be doing anything else! Yes! ART! Im suppose to be creating! Im suppose to be making art!
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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