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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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The bulge...

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Dec 27, 2013 4:38 am

Its like a bulge...

There is a psych bulge of the past within me; I want it out! Getting it out, is up to me. The bulge is from a disbelief of the past! A kind of denial. However, surrounding this denial is the truth on all fronts. So, at some point this set-back will be dethroned. And much work will go into this; and such honest grieving for a life that never would turn out; for a life that died and was buried alive.. and finally buried. How horrible and sad! A real world sadness! like the Jewish people dying in the prison camps; sad!

The truth; I had no one on my side from the beginning of my life. No one! Im not sure how this could have happened. Yet, it is true. Those I thought might be on my side; those in neutral positions had no interest or concern to me. They never thought about me once. I meant nothing and was never thought about. The whole thing is unbelievable. It is this situation that needs to be deflated by the present. The more Im in the present or have established myself in the present as self; the better chance to take a chance to call the truth what it is, and let go… but let go to what? Im now slowly working towards having a solid family base in the present that will answer this question. It is about family! A family created with God in the center! Not the Jesus loving murderers of of the white upper classes. God is the center! ( who is God to me, I won’t tell you) Theres nothing worse then those listening to their jesus save me tapes all day long, then spitting on the poor and treating them like second class animals; these people are Euro colonialist murderers; descendants of land and slave owners from the 17th centuries, and carrying the same ruthless pathological animalistic attitudes towards others. they think its OK for others to die that they live as they wish. and they are everywhere! Welcome to America, land of the sociopath!

I would like this satanic strain of information infecting the node of self empowerment disinfected. The truth will set it free, its a matter of time and grieving. Im still hanging on to the mother/father concept in the face of the truth. Its a matter of time before I will give in, and say good-bye to all of this, including all memories. The greatest thing in the world is to see fond memories destroyed because they are black with death. It is not good to associate pleasure with black death concepts or lies! the combination leaves one exhausted and emptied. ITs hard on a person when right is wrong and wrong is right. Instead, It is a good thing to do the right thing; it makes one feel glad.

I lost my inheritance ( its a little embarrassing); One of the sociopaths swindled it away from me legally, while they acted as a friend. Not surprising ( I was taken), I was weak from the dissociative disorder and was unaware of what they were up to. They were attempting to gain status within the bigger family system they came from; a system that promotes no individuality! and yet, none of it is my business! As these people were not my business. and strangely I think this was a God thing. God planned it this way that I finally have no connection to these people or there family systems.... And I feel embarrassed at being swindled, I do not feel like I missed out on anything! considering the type of weirdoes I would be dealing with. I would rather trust God.

So, I was scorched again with the inheritance thing; I will trust God and move on! Its all about God, and nothing more. And I am fortunate not to be apart of that death family system ever again ( and it is so sad). All will die out at some point.

And I am not a part of the original family members immediate family systems ( new family systems). And this is a great thing, as I am letting go of these families. They treated me like a second class citizen; unbelievable.

I have much work to do; concerning this demonic family systems; letting it go. I am in the middle of waking up from my trauma numbness. It is this trauma numbness that allowed a system member to betray me of the inheritance; Therefore, I must learn from this! And stay away... They are all my enemies! they are enemies of every man, women, and child.

Slowly I will wake up!
------------------------------------

My future was ruined by this unfortunate situation. Or, my schooling as a boy was ruined. I wanted to be an actor. When I realized no one even knew me or cared if I was dead or alive. I gave up on myself; on all my dreams. Now, knowing these were all sociopaths ( mother/father/brothers/relatives)! and nothing was personal! I realized I lost out on nothing; I had nothing to start with; no family. Now its about rearranging my thinking, with the understanding that I will be attempting things on my own! And this is OK? That is what Im wrestling with.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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