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OMNICELL
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The attraction of wanting a female psychopath!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Oct 13, 2015 10:29 am

Here we go again! Thank God for blogging! I can sort some of this stuff out!

A few years ago, many women wanted me! All of the women from the meetings I go to! I could not respond to them! I could not let people get close to me! Or touch me!

Some women wrote me of as a bad bet! I had problems; so, stay away from that guy!

I had some very attractive women like me! Very young women! But now ! The same women wrote me off as a weirdo! And Im afraid it remains! Nothing I can do about it!

These women want to be worshiped and looked up to! They want a strong alpha male to take them over!

I just want to be myself!

Some of these girls, I found attractive and want to go out with! But Im not wanted anymore! Im looked down upon!

I told myself! " self"! Ask her out to coffee! But nothing is that free!

These girls have middle class homes to go to! They're not friends of mine! Their just players! But Im so attracted to them!

I know that women get attracted to bad boys! And many times a sociopath is faking this role to find women! They play the bad boy, drawing the women into their hands!

So, I had my glory days and those days are over! Especially with the shallow people! And that really hurts!

This one girl that found me attractive; does not find me attractive anymore! Im looked at like a weakling! And I can feel the contempt!

Im not sure why Im so hooked on good looking young sociopathic women! I guess its all ego!

The real problem; in the face of the truth! Why wont I let this go! Do I really need to get slapped! I ######6 hope not!

I do not have it going on, to have a women " like this" in my life! I can see a more motherly women in my life mothering me! Taking neighborhood of me!

IVe been around these shallow women; if you don't give them what they want; they drop you! And you are never the same in their eyes! They don't know you and don't care either way!

I know one girl is probably a sociopath! But I don't seem to care! I want into her life! But that makes me a stalker! So, who Im I to judge!

I seem to be under this girls spell! but Im not sure she ever bothered to put me under a spell! am I just a stalker imagining all of this

I have the hardest time walking by this person and not noticing her! She is so beautiful! But it's a trap and I don't want to accept that it's a trap! Im all raptured up in this women! And I don't know why!

I don't like it because its like having a spell on me!

Part of this is my loneliness! And desperation for a women! Im desperate for a women! Desperate!

Or, I like to tell myself that I think I should be desperate for a women; but Im not!

Im desperate for the right women! And I keep trying to make every women I meet; the right women!

Many women do not respect me! In their value system I am at the opposite spectrum of respect!

Im an intelligent man, but many women Ive had problems with do not look at their own mistakes and problems! They act like they " got it going on"!

Possibly, Ive gotten rapped into the wrong group of women! They think highly of themselves; 2 highly!

Their values are not my values! So, why am I attracted to them!


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When you walk into a group, you have to have status! But what builds status! The problem with a number of the groups Im involved with! They consider people like myself weak! They don't not see any value, so they do not see anyone or anything with status!

They don't see status when they see me! Yet, Im the nicest person they have ever met! But it has no value to them! A bad boy sociopath has more status! Yet, does that not mean those girls only like men that are bad boys! So, why do I like those girls! They're not for real!

Possibly, you are attracted to people because they are in your area of reach!
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I was never accepted by any group!

The times I was accepted; it was assumed I had money!

It was a mistake! I was living with the sociopaths in a new city! They had a house considered in a nice neighborhood! I visited a young girl up the street; she was my age! We liked each other! But only because I was from that neighborhood!

In reality, I was from no neighborhood or family system! So, where then would I fit in! I don't know!

I had no social class! I came from nothing! I came from confusion and lies! Where did I fit in! I don't know!

I thought the people I was associating with liked me for me! None of them did!

Ive learned from the 12 step meetings the same thing! People want something from you! As long as you're kissing everyones ass; your in! If not! Your regulated to the sidelines!

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One problem with women; women give of signals of interest or decency or innocence! They're not innocent; or they're not sending me signals! Maybe they used to send me signals, and it sent my ego through the roof! Why is the so hard to admit! It drove me crazy!

===================================================================================

The middle class people did not accept or like me! I had no money! When they found this out! I was out! It was that simple! It mattered not how long I knew someone! I was out! Once they found out I came from nothing, I was banished from their groups! I was scourge of society to these people! I meant nothing to them! They looked at me as a stranger in a strange land that they had never met!

===================================================================================

I came from no background!
===================================================================================

So, back to the problem;

In the meetings are women; and this is the problem! They are the wrong women! But they are close! And I get infatuated with them! When they see this; I get played and used very easily! I fall into getting attention from them! The problem is; I have no status with them! They don't see guys like me as valuable! Im a kind of wimp or weakling to these women! Because, they don't seem to have enough depth to see past the crest of a merrier! But thats OK! I'm not judging, Im just saying!

These women are not my women! They're not my group! It gets so frustrating! You want to fit in somewhere! But I haven't found a home of my own people yet!
======================================================================================

Intellectually I can fit in with higher class flash; but I don't have the economics for it!

At the lower end of things; I can fit in with the street people! But Im educated and have more of a conscious! My conscious is looked upon as a weakling! I alienate this group because of my intellect and middle class tendencies!
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I have made some friends from the meetings! Its possible, that the real people I am to be friends with will come from God, and not any group! I must talk to God about this!

I assume girlfriends will come from God and not any specific group!

I have to ignore people! People that don't count!
==================================================================================

People that don't count!

Many people I can hear laughing! But they are not friends of mine! They are friends of the person sitting next to me! And just because they are close, does not mean they are inviting me into their conversations!

" I tell myself, Im an intelligent man, why would they not invite me into their conversations" but they don't!

Why am I not being invited into their conversation! One reason! Im not their cup a tea! They never liked me or my kind in the first place! I meant nothing to them! They have no compassion! Nothing human!

Im starting to let go of these people! Its hard; Im all alone in the world! Thats another problem!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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