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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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That girl

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:31 am

Im attempting to wake up! so, I don't have to take myself to seriously! any experience at anything social or social interaction is good!


Theres that girl, the one you like! But you wont ever admit it; and you wont ever know her; ever! you will never allow it! to yourself or her! your not good enough! or your to good! its just to much reality and requires to much strength of character where you don't have it! your to lazy! you can't take care of her! Your not enough for her! Your not even asked into her town, certainly not past her fence! Your not sure why you like her! she has nothing to offer you! she hardly notices you! but she has you under a magic spell! and that is how she works! but you see it! and other men who she manipulates does not see it! for this is how she gets her attention! I simply don't have the guts for her! I feel like a 6th grader and she is in high school! its not possible. I ride a bike, she rides in the car of jocks! Im just not man enough in the right way! and she points this out every time I go by her!

she has something you want! she's holding her attraction! and it pulls people in! and it pulled me in! but its not enough! something is missing! and I walked away!

She was not interested in me! she was interested in throwing out attraction to others! It was not me that she was throwing things out to! and that sucks or hurts or something! Im not invited! Im don't exist! and she does not have the conscious to care! or Im just lazy and in a dream world! Or my position is of manipulated because that is all I earned!

What can I do! Im never good enough for them! I have to walk away! and not go back and talk to God about them! What does God want for me! I must ask him and stick to it!

Some girls want all the muscle and flash! and I suppose its because they can! so why settle for less! they don't! they go get what they want! and I am not what they want!

I can't be hurt anymore! not like before! things are different now, I get another chance at life! I have to stay away from those that use people! I have to stay with the simple people!

Im hardly over my mother n father! that has been the biggest problem; that and my childhood that was destroyed! and I understand that this was the work of a sociopath! Still Evil! I had my family home taken from me!

Im not suppose to fight anyone, Im suppose to let it all go and move on! over and over an over, thousands of them; disrespect my position, disrespect me as a person, disrespect my American citizenship! In every direction I get disrespected! it never ends! its all over the place in every direction! and Im suppose to walk away! I live in America!

Im learning! the idea is to let it go and move on! I get attacked! I have to let it go and move on! I must learn it! and stay out of trouble! Not get attacked anymore! spiritually attacked!

I feel like I can't climb this tree that I'm suppose to climb to be all that I can be! I suppose Im lazy and complaining! I guess Ill get there, Im scared! Im scared of making mistakes!

I suppose I feel fairly safe! I have to keep the predators out!

Ive had an interesting day! Ive dealt with several controlling people! and Ive kind a stood my ground! not very well, but Im getting better! its not easy! I'm working at it! not easy! and possibly for the first time I remember the other people are sicko's!

I have to wash clothing! thats important, and stop eating and start working at stuff!

As for women! Im not sure! Its an area that lost me in my youth! Women wanted to be taken care of, they cared little for me as a person! in fact it seemed, it didn't matter, all that mattered was that I had my life together! my life was never together! but I still loved them! and it did not matter to them! I meant nothing to them! They wanted to have babies! thats all that mattered to them! or a man that looked good to there friends!; or they were addicted to men! and wanted one!

I meet people that wonder if they will ever find the love of there lives! I wonder if I will ever love anyone again! I can find thousands of participants! What good is it! But now that I think about it! that means I can work through different people until I find the one I like; or ones I like!

Do I want to go through this again! Im not sure! I don't feel like being hacked up!

Im beginning to understand women in the real world! all the games! each person is different! each person does what they want to do! you can't judge one person by another!

Ive seen some mean stuff! I have!

ITs about meeting the right people, not the people I want unless Im willing to take chances!

As I get better, I must stay with God! this whole life trip has been so crucifying! its crazy!

I hope to get stronger!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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