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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Im still to young
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taking care of yourself!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jan 19, 2016 9:54 pm

Im now working through memories from my Grandmothers! This was a very bad bad situation! I had no family! My Grandmother was not family! She was the same person that destroyed my mother when young! She was a strange combination of old fashion women; this is not a compliment! And sociopathic tendencies! She was born in 1900! when she was 20 years old; it was 1920! she was taught to be a house maid style life! like most women of those days; subordinate! so, psychology was not something she believed in! but its worse then this; she was also pathological in some constraints! she was not a full sociopath! but she had the tendencies! for example! she would say such negative things to me; over n over n over! when no understanding of why I did what I did! and had no understanding qualities! She was not interested in my schooling or my future! She was not interested in other social aspects! She was subordinate! She was a server who cooked meals and took care of the house! She did the accounting for the house hold and her business and neither her or her husband wanted me to have anything to do with!

She cooked for me all the time! Gave me money! But I was not a real human being! No interest in my future or self interests; nothing!
At this time period I had to learn to live at her house knowing my parents were gone, and that I would never be going home again; ever! And no one cared about this! I would never have Christmas in my home again! Or do anything else! My friends; all gone! School; all gone! I was sold down the river!

This was a horrible horrible time; no one asked me how I felt about losing my parents or never going home! My Grandmother drove me to another school every morning! And she packed me a lunch! But this was the same person that destroyed my mother! So; what does this tell you! It's a combination of many disturbing things! And I was molested at that house and preyed upon sexually and psychologically!

My opinion; she and her husband were no better then her daughter! And they were soulless and empty! No human traits! But she did wash my clothing! And send me to school?! The negativity toward me was so bad, it was like being indoctrinated in a prison camp! I was about 12! I was closed of emotionally and shut down and numb! And the past seemed to be closed of! As if I had no past!

This was a horrible time of misery and futility and confusion! fear scared to death! and no help! and a world of bad people from this neighborhood and bulling!

So, Im starting to process the deeper feelings of hopelessness and anguish of this period!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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