Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm

I aught to keep a trauma meter; Where am I from 0-10 concerning trauma in my life right now; Most of the problem I have with trauma is collecting more of it or being triggered by bad people because Im in freeze mode; and Im not aware and walking away; Im about 50% of what I used to be; but its not enough freedom to clear myself from those who trigger me or control me; narcs or sociopaths; or what ever; controllers. I freeze up and deal with them instead of walk away from them.
.
I learned along time ago and I keep learning; walk away from them; you cant win; ever; unless one is ready to go to war; if not; leave; pull back; pull out. They want to get into it with me if they can.
.
So; I have to learn to go to the other side of the room or the world.
.
My trauma is getting better; meaning disappearing or more life is taking over my mind where it used to be warped; or something like that. Ive got more n more desires to be present and do things I like to do.
.
Im looking forward to being the person I always wanted to be and doing the things I always wanted to do. and loving the things I always loved; not having to bury my feelings because of loss created by someone else. Im slowly coming out of my shell and doing and seeing the things I always wanted to be or have.

.
Not having parents is a horrible things; being destroyed by them and or orphaned by them for no other reason then a whim. They were sociopath/psychopath; so; what can you do...
.
The point is; Im slowly working my way out of trauma into a life again. And its slowly showing up; it will get better.
.
The real deep anger and dissociation and what makes me go numb is being suddenly dropped off into nothingness as a kid; it was done on purpose. I had nowhere to go; it was a death call or death blow to anyone; but a child? doing this to a child? So; Im now trying to pick up the pieces and start over with what I remember of the good things of my life at the time; the silent things I kept to myself no one knew about.
.
Im slowly getting those things back into my life. My goal is to do the things I like to do that make me feel good and nothing else. its like saying; Im getting the old me back; the real me; and thats whats happening; and Im working with the universe.
.
Im finding; what do I want and hold on to it.
.
Ive found one thing about people; what level of people do I want to associate with and hold on to it; if Im intelligent and middle class and educated; then, thats who I need to associate with; they have my values; I dont have their immaturity.
.
So; the next step is; and thats what Im working on; one area is to avoid people I know are trouble.
.
So; I would like to explain it more. I want to do nothing but the things that make me feel good and nothing else; focus on nothing else; thats what Im learning.
.
Im learning; the things I want to be apart of; they are higher level; not guttural or street level or free; it will take some work; I have to work through the trauma of being thrown away. thats a hard sick thing; Ill have to work with the universe; I think it can be done. it hurts horrible. I have to replace that situation with new stuff to focus on. Its a horrible thing; it is.....



Lets talk about the Jetsons; I love that show; that cartoon show from the 60's; 1962 - 1982?
.
What is it about the Jetsons that I love. I was watching a re run of one of the shows and I loved how it made me feel; what is it about the show; what moments in the show do I love; I want to live like the Jetsons; but what does that mean; what do they have that I want to hang on to; how do I feel; what feelings are they associated with; what scenes; what does it mean; am I secure; do I need education to live like the jetsons; money; what is it; how would I feel if I was living that life; the life I love and want to live. What would it look like. When I watch the Jestons I feel a certain way; If I could define whats causing me to feel good when watching the jetsons; what scenes are causing this great feeling and why?
.

If you take my mother out of the picture from the beginning; And its just my father and my mother serving me but not trying to destroy me; If they are taken out of the picture; then what. What kind of life am I building; and I will still need their love; but in a subserving way. I need to be served as a child; taken care of; loved, fed and then left to my own devices to create my world; and thats the kind of life Im going to imagine that I came from and continue it; Altho it did not exist that way; my life; it was at the beginnings of such things.
.
My goal now is to figure out what it is about the Jetsons show that I like; admit it; admit thats what I want for my life; get inline with it; figure out what it looks like and feels like and stay with that; stay at that high level. and stay with it; at that high level with those thoughts of a high level; transferring my thoughts to that high level thinking and keep it their; and allow new thoughts at that level to develop.
.


Im looking at doing the things during the day that I love. I got a science fiction book to read.
.
I would like to be creative; write, make music and art. I would like to; Im blocked because of flash backs. but Im getting better. but not good enough; Im wanting to rewrite my past story into something that is more inline with feeling protected and creative and expressing that creativity.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 4548 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, OMNICELL