Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (961)
- July 2019
Star trek
   Tue Jul 23, 2019 6:04 am
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs


Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:33 pm

Im learning about success and what it takes to become successful; successful at anything; How to go from a reader or learner to a believer and achiever. And, altho, it sounds a bit simple and plastic; its true; from reader and curiosity seeker to learner to believer to achiever; its about the process; how willing am I to do something with my curiosity; what direction do I want to go; am I willing to go a bit deeper and allow my curiosity to stick around for awhile until I find a hook on the other side of that river thats causing the gap; am I willing to row that boat a little further to see whats closer to the other shore; am I willing to allow myself to take a long enough chance to get excited about something; and with that excitement; the momentum that will build within the unknown; will I allow this. Will I go the extra few feet for this to happen. I am allowing this; Im working to allow this; that I dont shut down.
I used to shut down; I shut down in 7th grade completely; I was alone being bullied; no one cared about me; I didnt exist. I shut down and never came out of it.
Im trying to come out of it now.
IT bothers me that I dont remember 6th grade; I was forced to live with one of the psychopaths in an another city; a horrible nightmare of rain and darkness and strangers; in a big black city. I dont remember any of it; I flunked out the whole year. I was being bullied from the first day I arrived. Looking back on it; thats what the sociopaths look for; new kids to feed on. I know; I went through this numerous times; in complete shock; my schooling was ruined the first hour I arrived at those schools. I was never the same and never trusted anything or anyone ever again in those places; nor could I function in those places; ever again. Or in that structure or setting.
I dont remember; only the bully names squarel at the beginning of the year; and my mother the psychopath; I remember her a few times; and being on that lonely rocked inlet; alone; looking at the sky in a state of constant traumatic shock.
I dont remember it; And I was sexually abused after that, the new place I had to live. No father anymore; he was a sociopath; he was trying to get out of this family system when I turned 7; that was his plan. He used everything and everyone; conned them; then split. I was 2 young to understand anything that was happening; that I was being exploited or used; but they planned it that way; they wanted to get their kicks playing house; but in a few years; they tired of such things; and moved on to other lives. I was forgotten or uncared about because I was never cared about in the first place; I just imagined I was; by imagining, I could rationalize that everything was OK. That I had a home and parents and a house and a yard and a friend who lived up the street and a neighborhood and a school and a home town and a church and relatives and a structured future and going to college and football games and acting and many other good things; school parties and beach parties. But that never happened; nothing ever happened; instead; I was destroyed for good from the beginning.
I used everything I could to try to live and make sense out of my young life; I used TV shows as an example of what to expect from my environment; as I had no one that actually showed me what to expect from that environment.
Success; Im heading toward it; Its about the process. If I stick to the process long enough; I begin to get stronger in the process. As I get stronger; new strength gives me the power to turn and face my objective; learn to visualize grabbing hold of my objective and hanging on. Once I’ve established that I can and will hang on; soon; Ill want to hang on; Ill get used to my new found imagination; living in it; breathing in it; comfortable with my new environment that was created in my imagination!
I have to see myself in this new place; this new environment. I have to feel safe and good and comfortable in it; realizing; Im never going back to the old one.
Im working on it; by visualizing; soon, or later, what ever it takes; I start building a new life within my imagination; and then; it starts to show up around me!
what is out in front of me is what I think about. if I want my environment to change; I must change what Im thinking about. If I can completely change what Im thinking about and my beliefs; change them into something new; the universe must create or put me into a new place that is equal with what Im thinking about; its the law; universal law.
PTSD and visualization; I have CPTSD. so; its torturous and long ptsd; deep; horrible. and yet; I must visualize grasping and being apart of things up close; this causes much PTSd and dissociation and flash backs; massive amounts of flash backs and PTSD rage. However, Im doing it anyway.


Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 346 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], DaturaInnoxia, Exabot [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, lighthouse1993, Majestic-12 [Bot], MakersDozn, margharris, myce, pepera, star dust, StuckInGuilt, VioletFlux