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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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success

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:51 am

The idea presented to me is success! I like to say success thinking; I would like to say success!

Something along these lines of successful lovable feelings and thinking! And a world that goes with it! I had it stolen from me when a boy! I was fooled into believing it existed! It did not! I was being fattened up for the slaughter by those who knew exactly what they were doing! They went on vacations for themselves, not for me! And they knew they would be abandoning me in a few years! And they felt nothing! Sociopaths; psychopaths!

My schooling was destroyed! Im now attempting to get me back! Back as I felt as a boy when I felt safe and thought I was safe and headed for a good future! I still feel Im headed for a good future! However, I feel Im in insecure waters! Things are greatly unstable and Im scared! Im a bit dissociative! Im attempting to make the wrong people into friends! " whats new"! And Im trying to get close to the wrong people with the wrong family systems! I am taking this to God! Im getting silence from God!

I have this trick! When a red flag goes of in a situation; I send a case number to God! Meaning, Im taking God into the court room to present my case! First case number is a warning of the situation! By the third case number for the same case; its over! Three strikes and your out!

If I think God has sent me a relationship; a women! And things start to go wrong! Ill send him a case number! Im sending it to heaven! If and when I have to send three; its means the situational is a failure or Im going home; back to God to allow him to start it over with someone else!

Ive had many women attracted me! Their hearts and my heart matched up! Unfortunately, thats all that matched up! Her behavior or families and friends behavior made it impossible for me to get close to her! Im blocked! And something tells me it's not worth it! Its wrong! And its very confusing! I take the case to God! If it continues! I send in three cases against the situation; its over! Thats that! Regardless of the potential between me and the girl! And Im about to send out another; and that will be that on another girl!

I have to trust God and ask what is going on! I think the problem is; Im a middle class kind a guy that got derailed! And I'm finding myself in the lower class situations with people who don't care about right or wrong! And this is causing problems for me!

The girls I want to meet are middle class but nice girls! I don't know if I can meet this combination! The good thing about the people in my groups! They are humble! And simple! The girls are pretty! I cant complain! The problem is values!

What if you were around people who thought it OK to sleep with married people! I personally do not! Their would be problems! And this is a good example of the problems in the meetings Im in! The women represent a group of women with no values! Or street values! Not all; and non of my business until its time I get chased by them! Then it becomes a problem!

So; at the meetings! Im starting to read a prayer to myself to God! A wonderful prayer!

Im ignoring the women! Will I ever have a girlfriend that I want to go out with! Ive gone through 30 women in those meetings! Nothing! Nothing ever got started because of the complications to their personalities! They have to create problems and flake out! All of them!

And one more women tonight! Im getting very close!~ She's attracted to me! What good is it! The new principle! The only women I want next to me is one that has prayed to God, sent out vibes to God, and God is sending her to me! Im not interested in any others! Ive had it! Every one of them has flaked! All of them! Nothing makes any sense! They create impossible barriers! The girl likes me; the next thing I know; she's sitting with an alpha male! Im like; why? I can see by his attitude, her parents sent him to protect her! She's well above age; thats not the point! The parents are protecting her! But she likes me! What good does it do me! What good does it do me if she's staring at me all the time! Why do it! She knows whats going on! Ive talked to her, walked up and said hi! We've caught each other smiling at each other and saying hi! And then nothing! I cant go any further because the parents are blocking us! Or the guys that are sent in with her to sit with her! Whats the point!
Im looking at God and asking; Whats the point! Why?! I can see the connection between me and the girl! So, why is all this drama happening! Why? Why all these complications to simply dating someone!

I would like to date; only the women I want to date! Im not interested in anyone else! What a mess! I am attracting the women I like! But they are making themselves impossible to get near! Something is wrong!

Now, Im deciding to let go and only trust the Universe to bring me the right people! Because Im sick of this! I don't understand it! I simply don't get it! And I thought this was going to be easy!

I usually use a ( three strikes and your out) rule! If the girl continues to block me but like me! And continues to allow complications! At some point! Im done! Im not waiting around to why it's happening!
And strangely enough, for a guy that attracts women; I have no one to date! Im doing no better then the guy that thinks he's fat n ugly! Nothing makes any sense here! Nothing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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