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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Im beginning to understand
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The trap house part 2
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The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
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First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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childhood abandonment
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Preview: PTSD; High School
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Fear
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Ive found some answers
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D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
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Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
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Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Stuck in isolation

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Dec 27, 2018 6:18 am

Im not sure what to do or where to move! Meaning, where do I go! Im stuck! Im in a sickening situation!
Im now stuck in 12 step meetings! meaning; I have no other connections; no other place to go! From my apartment to 12 step meetings; and thats it! Im connected to nothing else in society! I haven't got a clue beyond it!
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I work with the laws of attraction and have no idea where to go from here!
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I go to the store!
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Im an intelligent man watching my life waist away in isolation; I have no clue where to go! meaning, I cannot go somewhere if I cant see it in my head first!
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I don't know the kind of people I want to meet; I don't trust anyone out here in this society!
Im not sure what the next move is! or where it is! or with who! Ive had no family; or apparent family since the age of 6 year old or 8 year old! and then I was thrown away! Since then; Ive been in traumatic isolation!
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Ive known of people in the 12 step groups; worthless waist of time; never went their to meet people; I went their to get better!
Now; I face a new set of challenges! Now I want to meet people! people of a more sophisticated nature!
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Certainly when dealing with women; I "don't" was to meet anyone at those meetings!
The meetings have become my only social outlet! the problem is; their is no social outlet! its not a social outlet! The people; the quality of people is not sophisticated; not for what Im looking for!
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Its strange and horrible; its like being stuck in a room on a farm; no matter where you go; its always a lonely empty road that leads nowhere; thats the kind of isolation Im in!
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When I attempt to think of places to go; I cant! They take money! I guess! I dont know where to go for the social Im looking for! To meet people! where do I go!
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Where are my people; the people Im suppose to relate with! where are the women I want to date!, where are they!
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Im missing something! completely!
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So; the roads I go down lead nowhere! The places I do lead to no women and or any sophistication. Its completely stupid!
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Its like Ive been using a bandaid affect for 25 years; meaning the meager social situation Ive been in!
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The outside world might work; could work; if I know where I was going and with who!
What am I doing and why!
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Lately Ive been getting into politics; I dont know why!
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Im concerted about my age concerning women! Im getting freaked out! Id like to have the universe bring me my wife! Im getting old! and Id like a wife before I die! I really dont understand any of this!
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I work the laws of attraction; but Im getting nowhere! The problem is; I dont know what to concentrate on!
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I want a wife; What am I looking for! and where is she! thats what I want the universe to supply for me! I dont know where to go! do I go to another city! where do I meet this person or people! where do I go!
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Im disconnected and I dont know where to go! where do I go to get connected!
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I keep trying to work with the universe for paths unfolding; nothing is happening! I dont nothing and no-one!
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I feel like the universe is satan and its trying to destroy me and not to trust it because it continually wilt prove itself to me!
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The problem with 12 step meetings; their not real; not for me; not for social! They are a " program" for recovery! They are not a fellowship for me! They can be a fellowship for others; not for me! Im their because Im sick; my mind is to ruptured to be in the outside world! I dont fit in anywhere!
These meetings are not a social place! so, Im frustrated! Im not interested in the women at these meetings; I want to date sophisticated women!
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So; Im not sure!
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Im trying to understand where Im suppose to go to meet these women I want to date and marry!
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In addition to this; I will be going through many women that see nothing in me! Im not out n about with suit n tie running around town! I dont have anywhere to go and I dress the part! no one knows me! and Im even more scared of that! meaning; Im pre judged by my symptoms!
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I have no one to talk to or that understands! Nothing!
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Ive got online clubs on youtube! thats where I get my social; by leaving comments at posts! This is not the life I thought I would be living when a child!
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I was bullied at such great levels and freaked out when young; I cant go outside anymore or trust anyone or anything anymore! I was molested and forced into situations in other peoples homes when young; pulled away from my original home; forced into the arms physically of people when young did not want to touch or be touched by! I never got to see my home again or go home; and continued to be forced into other peoples homes to survive! I was treated like a animal! abused like one in different indifferent forms!
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Within the small towns Ive lived in; Ive been judged by the same kind of people that abused me! I guess I attract it! So much so; I stay in my little room! id like to eave and start a new life; I dont know how or where!
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Im trying to work with the laws of attraction to attract new people! the right people! but I dont know what that means! in the real world; Ive never met anyone I want to be around; all people that ive tried to get close to have betrayed me because they were 2 faced; no one was as they seems; nothing! I had one girl I liked when young; I destroyed that; meaning; the long term PTSD! Dissociative disorder; avPT! I pulled away from her; when I attempted to come back around her; she was not interested anyone; she wrote me off! I tried to get close to her; it didnt work!
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I gave up being around women because I had no money!
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Theirs an old saying; if you have no money and hook up with a women; sooner or later she will not respect you if she has to buy everything! regardless of my real internal worth! is this true? I demand respect by people! I demand a women look up to me as someone with high status! because I have high status! However, the society I live in and its people strip me of this status! its not that I dont have it! I cant prove it to people who cant look inside me and see it! many people want to see it on the outside!
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Ive had women like me for who I am on the inside; meaning, because I didnt have a house or a car! I dont want those kind of women around me anymore! 2 many drugs and 2 many thugs!
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I want to be accepted by the right people that are safe! However, I dont have the cash for such things! I want to be accepted with status! but I dont know how to prove it to anyone!
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Many people who are in obscurity are married! I know many people that complain about the same things I do; but they are married; they are not alone like I am; they have families or near relatives; I have no one; nothing! they have friends or old high school or college buddies! I have no one! nothing!
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I have 12 step groups that function as temporary social functions! They are not real people to me; just temporaries! much like temp agencies! no real friends!
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Im working with the laws of attraction on social stuff but I dont understand what the next level looks like! I want to be safe! I dont know where to go!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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