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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1138)
- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Stuck in isolation

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Dec 27, 2018 6:18 am

Im not sure what to do or where to move! Meaning, where do I go! Im stuck! Im in a sickening situation!
Im now stuck in 12 step meetings! meaning; I have no other connections; no other place to go! From my apartment to 12 step meetings; and thats it! Im connected to nothing else in society! I haven't got a clue beyond it!
I work with the laws of attraction and have no idea where to go from here!
I go to the store!
Im an intelligent man watching my life waist away in isolation; I have no clue where to go! meaning, I cannot go somewhere if I cant see it in my head first!
I don't know the kind of people I want to meet; I don't trust anyone out here in this society!
Im not sure what the next move is! or where it is! or with who! Ive had no family; or apparent family since the age of 6 year old or 8 year old! and then I was thrown away! Since then; Ive been in traumatic isolation!
Ive known of people in the 12 step groups; worthless waist of time; never went their to meet people; I went their to get better!
Now; I face a new set of challenges! Now I want to meet people! people of a more sophisticated nature!
Certainly when dealing with women; I "don't" was to meet anyone at those meetings!
The meetings have become my only social outlet! the problem is; their is no social outlet! its not a social outlet! The people; the quality of people is not sophisticated; not for what Im looking for!
Its strange and horrible; its like being stuck in a room on a farm; no matter where you go; its always a lonely empty road that leads nowhere; thats the kind of isolation Im in!
When I attempt to think of places to go; I cant! They take money! I guess! I dont know where to go for the social Im looking for! To meet people! where do I go!
Where are my people; the people Im suppose to relate with! where are the women I want to date!, where are they!
Im missing something! completely!
So; the roads I go down lead nowhere! The places I do lead to no women and or any sophistication. Its completely stupid!
Its like Ive been using a bandaid affect for 25 years; meaning the meager social situation Ive been in!
The outside world might work; could work; if I know where I was going and with who!
What am I doing and why!
Lately Ive been getting into politics; I dont know why!
Im concerted about my age concerning women! Im getting freaked out! Id like to have the universe bring me my wife! Im getting old! and Id like a wife before I die! I really dont understand any of this!
I work the laws of attraction; but Im getting nowhere! The problem is; I dont know what to concentrate on!
I want a wife; What am I looking for! and where is she! thats what I want the universe to supply for me! I dont know where to go! do I go to another city! where do I meet this person or people! where do I go!
Im disconnected and I dont know where to go! where do I go to get connected!
I keep trying to work with the universe for paths unfolding; nothing is happening! I dont nothing and no-one!
I feel like the universe is satan and its trying to destroy me and not to trust it because it continually wilt prove itself to me!
The problem with 12 step meetings; their not real; not for me; not for social! They are a " program" for recovery! They are not a fellowship for me! They can be a fellowship for others; not for me! Im their because Im sick; my mind is to ruptured to be in the outside world! I dont fit in anywhere!
These meetings are not a social place! so, Im frustrated! Im not interested in the women at these meetings; I want to date sophisticated women!
So; Im not sure!
Im trying to understand where Im suppose to go to meet these women I want to date and marry!
In addition to this; I will be going through many women that see nothing in me! Im not out n about with suit n tie running around town! I dont have anywhere to go and I dress the part! no one knows me! and Im even more scared of that! meaning; Im pre judged by my symptoms!
I have no one to talk to or that understands! Nothing!
Ive got online clubs on youtube! thats where I get my social; by leaving comments at posts! This is not the life I thought I would be living when a child!
I was bullied at such great levels and freaked out when young; I cant go outside anymore or trust anyone or anything anymore! I was molested and forced into situations in other peoples homes when young; pulled away from my original home; forced into the arms physically of people when young did not want to touch or be touched by! I never got to see my home again or go home; and continued to be forced into other peoples homes to survive! I was treated like a animal! abused like one in different indifferent forms!
Within the small towns Ive lived in; Ive been judged by the same kind of people that abused me! I guess I attract it! So much so; I stay in my little room! id like to eave and start a new life; I dont know how or where!
Im trying to work with the laws of attraction to attract new people! the right people! but I dont know what that means! in the real world; Ive never met anyone I want to be around; all people that ive tried to get close to have betrayed me because they were 2 faced; no one was as they seems; nothing! I had one girl I liked when young; I destroyed that; meaning; the long term PTSD! Dissociative disorder; avPT! I pulled away from her; when I attempted to come back around her; she was not interested anyone; she wrote me off! I tried to get close to her; it didnt work!
I gave up being around women because I had no money!
Theirs an old saying; if you have no money and hook up with a women; sooner or later she will not respect you if she has to buy everything! regardless of my real internal worth! is this true? I demand respect by people! I demand a women look up to me as someone with high status! because I have high status! However, the society I live in and its people strip me of this status! its not that I dont have it! I cant prove it to people who cant look inside me and see it! many people want to see it on the outside!
Ive had women like me for who I am on the inside; meaning, because I didnt have a house or a car! I dont want those kind of women around me anymore! 2 many drugs and 2 many thugs!
I want to be accepted by the right people that are safe! However, I dont have the cash for such things! I want to be accepted with status! but I dont know how to prove it to anyone!
Many people who are in obscurity are married! I know many people that complain about the same things I do; but they are married; they are not alone like I am; they have families or near relatives; I have no one; nothing! they have friends or old high school or college buddies! I have no one! nothing!
I have 12 step groups that function as temporary social functions! They are not real people to me; just temporaries! much like temp agencies! no real friends!
Im working with the laws of attraction on social stuff but I dont understand what the next level looks like! I want to be safe! I dont know where to go!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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