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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1109)
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- November 2020
emotions starting to bleed out; This is good
   Thu Nov 26, 2020 7:11 pm
Anxiety and dealing with the opposite sex
   Wed Nov 25, 2020 7:52 am
The work is over my head; but thats OK
   Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:35 am
Wont let the people I love into my life...
   Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:45 am
Social and feeling worthy
   Mon Nov 16, 2020 4:21 pm
Loving myself for real
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:15 pm
Moving onward
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:29 pm
And her vision keeps getting closer
   Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:19 am
On moving on and creating a new life
   Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:53 pm
Breaking the dating barrier
   Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing board with women
   Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:53 am
Changes are occurring; still isolated and lonely
   Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:13 am

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Stuck in a holding pattern of hatred and contempt and fear

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Dec 30, 2018 12:28 pm

ITs a state of indignation! Thats how it feels! I must move beyond this period! Im in a new season of development; and its hard to stick with it! Im stuck in a maze encircling. I have no strong point or future! meaning, Im not working toward a career, and I don't have a family!
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Im loosing my dam teeth; this does not help!
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Im working with the laws of attraction! Im stuck! I have abuse from my past! I was control and destroyed out of having any future! Im trying to change this now! its very hard! Ive never had anyone on my side; ever! no one! No one accept one girl when I was 14; that was all! no one else!
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I don't trust anyone!
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Im trying to understand!
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I want what anyone wants; a life! Im trying to change my thoughts to fit in to something! anything!
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I would be nice to have comrade of the same tribe; anyone; anywhere! knowing where I fit in! what Im suppose to do with my life!
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I have to keep working with the universe!
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The goal is to keep positive! learn how to have positive thoughts!
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I dont like being broke!
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The key is to keep goals and believe in them; Im having a hard time believing in anything accept civil war!
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Im dislocated and de franchised and all alone!
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Im not around any women to date! I feel dislocated; I feel desolate!
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I feel apart of nothing! Im with God but nothing on earth!
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The key is a change of thinking! Allot of my thinking is ran from the past that is no more! Im trying to regain the past and its not possible! the past is where I hide because the present is to high a price to live! no gains; not worth it! I would rather sleep all day long!
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I would rather sleep all day long and get fat then do anything! The question; how to stop this apathetic condition!
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I attract women; Im not around any places to attract any women Im interested in! Im scared to death of the lack of money that I have; the limited amount concerning attracting women!
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Im interested in a more intellectual group! However, what power or money do I have to attract such people! Im left in a state of fright!
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My life was pulled out from underneath me when young by psychopaths/sociopaths! I would like to change this; change back into someone who is productive; and thats what Im trying to work toward!
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im attempting to work with the universe on this; I know its a thinking game! I see the futile thoughts within my mind; this simply cannot run my life anymore! However, I do not have any thoughts to replace the old ones!
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ive tried to think about doing new things! I always get caught in the old thoughts coming back and taking over!
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The goal is new stories! I have to keep at it until the old ones are gone!
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Some of these old stories i long for; its all the stability I have! I have nothing else!
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So; I have to create something new!
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As for women; No one around Im interested in! Nothing!
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Women; women are about networking! I dont feel good enough! I feel like Im going to be compromised! I dont trust women! well; I dont trust anyone!
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Is their hope! yes; its in my thoughts; I have to get to the point that I dont want these negative thoughts or self defeating thoughts concerning my future! I want them gone and new ones put in their place! I have a lot of fear thoughts from the past; hard to face; that is the problem! its horrible nightmare to face them and move on!
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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