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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Stuck between 2 worlds

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jan 14, 2015 5:40 am

The First world, is the recovery world and everyone in it! Ive found that when I was sick; most treated me as helpless and harmless! However, as Ive gotten better, Im being treated with contempt, rivalry and hastily!

I have found as I get better; Several people turning on me! I do not think they were ever with me; on my side! I never knew, I was not present!

So, low level recovery processes! dealing with street people and the equivalent! nOt everyone! More, new people to recover process!

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Second world; advanced spiritual concepts by world people with great success! those who use Attraction techniques to run their lives and money and business! all advanced spiritual techniques for success!

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In the middle of this is the online communities I use for expression and communication and connection!

Problem; In between all this is loneliness and disconnection! Technically, Im still alone! and I have few friends!

But the recovery process is working! I was destroyed by sociopaths when young, and Im winning the fight to come back to life! and for that I am grateful! However, I am nowhere near up to speed or connected into the present! There is a jump factor! a bridge must be built from the past to the present for me to jump or walk into the present! I must walk in as the sunny child I once was before I was destroyed! And this might be possible! probable! it will take time!

To be able to walk or jump into the present, I must have my own life back; not stolen by those of the past! I must work my way into a new way of thinking and a new life! I am still very insecure! and stolen! It will take time; I must have my independent memories of my past! they must be back with me!
I was independent as a boy; at times! went to school, had my own thoughts! I was protected by my father; for awhile!

I made the horrible mistake of ever going around the mother figure of the house hold! Once she abounded everyone; I should have stayed away! and it is this process Im working on letting go! Im working through it! so its painful and hard! and will be for some time!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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