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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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still strong, still showing up!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Mar 25, 2014 10:32 pm

Well, I blew through another girl?

At the meetings, she arrived 8 months ago! Now she's gone!

She is now in the hands of someone else! Hurray!

So here I am back to square one!

The dissociative disorder does not let it up!

Im getting help from people in general recovery! They do not understand dissociative disorder and I have tell them; doesn't do any good!

keep going! Don't give up!

I feel like Im getting experience!

I always hate having to go back to meetings!

I did prey about this girl!

I prey for her and hope she has everything I could ever want in my life.
-----------------------------

Now at meetings, I sit in the back again and stare at the walls.

The real hope is to wake up and see people for who they are.

As for the girl;

She doesn't see me! I believe she needs! and wants to feed! I want to believe that she sees me! I find out the hard way, she does not! ITs very sad! She might be attracted to me! but she is attracted to a millions guys! a satanist is just as easy as a priest! She does not care if she goes out with someone of little conscious! it means nothing to her! and it doesn't matter if she goes out with someone of depth! She doesn't care either way! That just ain't my cup a tea!

Im not going out with someone that abuses their kids because they have a nice @ss! Or someone with no spirituality who thinks they are the creators of the universe. Its not for me!

I truly believe God is giving me experiences to sharpen me! When Im me again, I will venture outward to a place or places to find the people that are " my people"! and this is an important concept. The lesson Im learning; I have to let go of the wrong people; stop making them out to be the the right people out of desperation. This is hurting me to call right wrong and wrong right! Im going to the wrong people for love and have a blind spot when viewing them! later, I get slapped in the face because of my folly! and its getting old to keep attempting to be right with anger, in the face of truth! The truth is a brutal thing!

Im gaining great experiences from the 12 rooms. But the people are like vampires. They are way over my head in cruelty and deceptive arrogance.

Ive preyed about this girl! God tells me to let her go, She might be more in line with him then me, and Im not the one ready! Who knows! I am inline with God! Im trying! she might be to mature! who knows! I don't know! and it does not matter, I was cut throated out of the deal. Nothing new, Im used to it!

Possible Im at these places to learn and not get involved; it seems that is what always happens. In the end Im not seen by anyone; valued!

Why can't these people ask decent questions to find out the truth! Possibly, they don't care and continue to live their lives.

Honestly, I think these people are Godless! I think they are doing the best they can! We are of different wave lengths! They do not have the depth of conscious to understand the basic levels of trust or principles to be human! They are faulty in this area! Possibly, better for one to marry the other of the same clan shallowness!

Im faulty! not exactly inline as they are with the same specific growth needs. Who knows!

I was not appreciated! so, I was dropped of! Possibly in the future I will find people that don't " drop other people of"!

I have no importance in their lives; meaning this girls life! and the varied others like her! It has been shown in the real world to be true! Im of no value to many; they do not have the depth!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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