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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Still here and not alone!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Sep 04, 2013 6:04 am

I have phone numbers to call, Ive got them tagged on my wall.

In my meetings, And I will continue to Go because God orders it and I have to share; Im a dissociative interacting scared through the day. In the meetings I might be able to reach out to one person and thats it! More then one person and I shut down!

Lots of vets at these meetings, making them extremely strong meetings!

I have people on the outside to help! and I need the help for everything! That is because Im normal! Well, or because Im not normal! Im OCD on everything! I have problems..

I talked with a women that has helped me from the beginning! it was nice to know Im still cared about!

ITs so hard to accept that I am on social security for the remainder of my life... Its hard to talk about , However, I talk about it at meetings, Im a man, its very hard to talk about!

I have a dissociative Disorder and cannot respond regardless of the symptom levels.

I need to clean my apartment!

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I talk about most things at meetings in front of people. Housing authority, payee, Social security! all of it! At some point I will talk more about getting well from my condition, yet having to stay on social security! How I cannot compete for work, and my symptoms would take me over with the slittiest pressures... I will tell people what they don't want to here, that the US government does not want you going on and off its social security programs.. it was never made for that. You were found disabled by a judge because you proved you could not work the several jobs you already had. Its assumed your done in the work world, regardless of how you feel about it!

I get judged. I look like an intelligent middle class guy! I do not look like I fit the food-stamp mold. I do not sound like I fit the mold when Im talking! I am not from the middle class, I am from the psychiatric class.

Ive learned that for my survival, honesty is the best policy! The truth is good enough! Status can wait outside the door!
------------------------------------

As I was talking at the noon meeting, one of the girls that liked me started to turn and look at me while I was talking, she was 7 feet in front of me sitting at a table. I saw a very weird horrible thing.
We had a spiritual connection. She really liked me! However, she brought another man into the picture before I could ask her out! I waited to interact with her! As I was sharing I mentioned that I do not put up with deception from people! She has heard this before...

As she turned and looked at me, I could see the longing in her eyes for me, and I could see the tortured stretching of her skin along the eye lines, as if she was guilty. Guilty but refusing to give up her boy friend. Because of this, I will never talk to her again! She was lucky to get a stare out of me! Our eyes did meet! and I saw what I saw! it was horrible. She knows what she did! and its written all over her face! Yet, she does not care that she is doing wrong, she will continue to do so regardless of what it did to me! However, something backfired! She got involved with me! that is what backfired. I do not think she is used to someone pulling away from her. I pulled away out of disgust and never came back! Ive ignored her for 3 months within the same rooms everyday! As much as she liked me! She likes being 2 faced more! She made her life style choice and will not be interacting with me again! Its not my business, she is not my business, and her pain is not my business. She will be learning this the hard way! and that is none of my business. I will never see her again! even tho she is in the same rooms with me! I ignore her and will for the remainder of my life. She is a virtual stranger; she brought this on herself! she came in, and she was kicked out the same day! and she will not be returning; Ever! I will not tolerate deception from people; I put up with torture and rape from people like this! I will not put up with anymore of it from anyone!

A realtor friend of mine gave me the statistics for my area.. Women from age 30 to 55: 8500 single women in the area, all waiting for me to cool there lonely codependency problems at the coffee shop. Should be interesting!

I have the opportunity in this small town to come back to my original self and goals; to create and participate in relationships with nice people. To play in the snow, to have Christmas and Thanks giving, and to watch Charlie Brown specials on TV... I believe it will be possible I think to be me again I think! God is allowing this and watching this. A great horror occurred over my life, someone tried to destroy much like the Nazis tried to destroy the jews; and I was almost killed. It didn't work, I came back! or am coming back slowly!

I know who I am and what happened to me! I believe a good blue print story line can be created from the day I was born until now! I can write out my personal historical landmarks from the beginning of my life!

I fear for those who are not so lucky as I! They will hang themselves.... To bad! especially the young, as they are alone when they die with there eyes open!

May God take care of them!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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