Their is no way I can start out with a normal active sexual women who thinks their getting a normal sexual active man; not possible.
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I need a special women to start with to get me back in the game. I can feel allot of anger and resistance; Has nothing to do with women! Has to do with my childhood that is not over yet! By being with women sexually; Im suggesting Im past the age of grade school; or that specific age I was pulled out of my neighborhood when young and destroyed! If moving on with women; this suggests Im not coming back to that age again or ever dealing with it or getting over it; Im leaving it and moving on! This is horribly traumatic for the child within me!
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In order to handle this situation; I need a starter women; a women that understands! Im not sure what that looks like; someone to get me back into the game! And; as I write this I get hit with horrible horrible thoughts and memories and fear thoughts and low self esteem thoughts and thoughts of being loathem and many other sick things; nothing to do with present women! Women represent that Im moving on; thats all they represent! IT means Ive dealt with the past and Im moving on!
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Im In the middle of this! I will work with the laws of attraction and attract the right women to make love to; getting me back in the game!
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Ive had other women want to make love; I would not respond to any of them; they are to ruff; from the wrong group of course people! to rough! To crude with no sensitivity to problems such as I have! They see men as all being the same; men have no problems! They would see me for my strength; not for who I am; they would be attracted to me but not interested in me!
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The next move is a starter women that would help me get started in the men/women arena again!