Im starting over with Art; Why not start over with women; I could say; the last insane go-around with the thoughts and miss step'n in-consistencies with women; hopefully will be my last. I simply start over; The situation is Not perfect; but hopefully my attitude will be changing as I work on it to understand how to communicate with women; communicate very quickly with them of how I feel. And how to meet the right women God wants me to meet; God sends me. I mean; this time is now; thats what Im working on.
Seeing the right women is now. This is up to God and I have to feel good inside and that is happening; yes?
So; its about praying for the next women to show up; and working with God on those things and learning how to interact with women; learn how to tell them how I feel very quickly...
If I like someone; take a chance and go out with them... not worry about what they think or I think; just go out with them and live. hardest thing... being now. in the present now! And letting go of any women from the past; because non of them are serious; they are all game blame players; they dont care what happens to me or they would have; the best Ive gotten out of them; I was forced to watch them court some other guy in the park while I was hanging around; does that sound like someone who takes me seriously; I doubt it; so I must let go I have to let go of that and move toward God and move toward God and never go back or look back; nothing. And thats what Im working on right now. If someone really wanted to be with me they would; if God called them to be with me they would already be with me; trying to get to know me; do something. So; Ill just leave and never look back or go back ever... just God and do what God wants me to do.... And I know what that is; what makes me feel good and I would like to learn other stuff that makes me feel good; like books and teaching and science and other things. I dont know; we Will see who I become.
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Moving forward and working with GOd... Letting go of yesterday and really working on it.
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Im starting over with Art; Im doing it right now; Ill finish 10 crude pictures and take them into my meetings; put them on the wall and just feel it as Im " outside".
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As for women; Ill have to do the same thing; when Im serious; Ill learn how to appreciate talking to them. Thats the problem; not having a back up... no extra person; wing man kind of thing.
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Il ask and tell the universe to bring me a plan to be with women... to be happy and believe again.. And Ill have to trust the universe.
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I have allot to learn about showing up for others; it takes work I dont know about but talk like I do. I dont know how to show up because I was always thrown away...
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Either way; ill go on a journey with God to learn how to have this commitment to women and finally the procuring of a wife; to fight to get her and keeper; in the real world; planting my stakes. Im think who that might be; but God knows. So I start the process by asking God and seeing what shows up in my imagination... I have some ideas; but Ive been caught wrong before; dead wrong. I have to work with God on this... I pray and tell the universe to reveal everything I need to know to start out and a plan that builds a foundation... and builds... I have to remember God is on my side and God will change my mind and help me... So; Im now officially looking into talking to God about this seriously. And see what God creates for me... Who shows up... and how I have to be... I just want my mind cleared and free. .
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I go to create a life with a wife; and now; where does this start and with who! I have ideas; but God has pulled me away from people; certain people because he has heard them say things about me I didnt hear; and I have to respect this and wonder and stay with God and see who really shows up. Sometimes God is simply showing me what and who not to associate with. And I have to work with God on this.
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So; Im not sure where God is leading me or wanting me to go or with who. I honestly dont trust what Ive seen so far in some people; something is wrong... they smile at me while hooked up with another man; and God does not want this for me; and if this be; then I dont want any part of this... God will only bring me around nice people; so I have to have even more rightness with God and go in that direction and see who follows... And their it is... Ill meet a nice girl; I will tell God to to do this for me... Nice girl... Nice... I have to become the kind of person I want to meet... and have delusions about the past... Meaning im still under someones spell; and I need to be under Gods spell and no one else's. I can feel it; Im going in the right direction; I dont want to feel like I made a mistake and left someone behind; ive done this a few times; but ive taken this stuff to God for a long time; so God knows about it; and Ive not listened? I guess; God was telling me to move on? I dont know; I guess. I was thinking about Sodom and gomorra and Lots wife; Lot left Sodom and Gomorra and as he was walking; His wife looked back out of longing; she was turned to salt by God for not fallowing God.. Is that what Im doing; am I following the wrong path; getting twisted like a pretzel; am I... I have to follow God and go down Gods path... And its hard; Im flashbacking all the time while writing this right now. I know I have problems with women; Im always trying to get the wrong women to like me and see me and value me and it always turns out horribly. Or God sends me what I think are the wrong women and I dont respond to them... And they get contempt toward me... Im around some people that are not really my friends. ITs fake; ive done it to survive.
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Ive known of a girl but I know nothing really about her and she is with another guy and Im trying to act like she likes me; but how can she if she is with another guy; I was written off back then and that was a long time ago; I dont even know if I was written off back then; I have no idea what is or is not with that other person and its murky; and I have to follow God about all of this and keep going and stay out of everything else accept following God. I know things are changing for me; I can feel it.
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I would like to get to a place Im fully going in the right direction with God and who ever is suppose to get in behind me and support the cause is great including a women who is interested in me; that would come from God; But we would be equals; I dont really mean she would come in behind me; I mean; id be inline with God not looking back and she would show up... I would love to heal and not look back at anything anymore. just go forward; and Im getting closer I can feel it... it is great; the way I feel; the alignment; Im getting closer..