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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Star trek

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jul 23, 2019 6:04 am

Im watching star trek; Why/ because it makes me feel good; And that is one of the requirements of a healthy life; and to have success.
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The idea is; find something I like; that makes me feel good; and keep at it; if I keep at it... the frequency with strengthen; and I will start to attract those people that are suppose to be attracted to that frequency. If I stay at a frequency long enough; things will join it at that level; and thats what I want.
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I like star trek art; making art about star trek; the original star trek. its what I watched as a boy; and Im glad that I watched it as a boy; Im starting to remember my boyhood from 50 years ago; its like a Steven King novel what happened to me in this life. ITs truly a horrible thing; but if I keep at it; it will have a happy ending.
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Im in the middle of the promises. In one of the 12 step meetings; they have the promises in their writings; this is a place where someone begins to get rewards for working the process of life once again. So; Im in the middle of it.
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So; I have 2 things I know I like; star trek and making art that looks like something from a star trek episode.
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Its hard all the real memories of my childhood and what will happen later. But I can already see the problems mounting as I watch this old show. And I can write a new script for my childhood and life and keep changing it the script until I feel better and free'r
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So; up to about 6 years old; Im getting enough love and attention; but by the time Im 6 Im beginning to fall into the television shows to a point they are all I have and Im maladjusted; I see life from a television screen and not the real world; and looking back; Im not sure Im present at any other time. Im not developed in the real world; with people or activities. And this will not change. It will get worse.
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I know more about star trek then I knew about the people who were in my house hold. In fact; I remember them little. I remember my father even less. and my mother; no more then feeding me when Im home and not much more.
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Im going to be thrown away at some point and all will go silent. And now Im awaking my past up again; and its showing up.
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I want to make it past a certain point; a point of importance that I can feel like its ok to date again and be on my own and live a new life; and its coming; but my god its filled with flashbacks and torment. I feel like I dissociative into un reality when I think about having a real life in the real world; its as if I can only go as far as a tv screen; and I want to break that. And it will be hard and Im embarrass about it. but I'm learning more about my strange life and conditions. And Im hoping I can start a new life and I will get their if that is the goal and that is the goal; we will see.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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