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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1138)
- January 2021
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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Spiritually the future looks bright!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Dec 22, 2016 11:50 am

I live in the land of hopelessness! ITs turned into a place of rules and regulations and cops! At one time it was a free country! now; its just another worthless socialistic country! All rules, nothing more! insane! The rich run and own everything! everything is dictated according to money! the human being has very little value!

Here I am waking up! waking up to what; I don't know! Im not sure what is important anymore! I have to work with God! Ive a very talented person! hasn't helped much! Ive never had a personal life! or a personal place to go; those things cost money! and Ive had non of my own! At 54, I don't know if its important anymore! more importantly is happiness! and this is found through God! Ive given up on the human race along time ago; from the beginning!

Ive known many people that have killed themselves who are like me! But Im still here! God is allowing a slow recovery from one stage of life to the other! Ive never lived my own life; possibly as a boy for a short time; and that is it! As for the steal doored society I live in! Ive never been able to function in it! I believe the privileged run it; their kids take it over! for the rest of us! I don't know! I believe in the laws of attraction! I believe in Jesus Christ my God!

Im very lucky, but things are hard! As I get stronger; it seems the world comes down on me! authority comes down on me!

Women; I don't know no! most make me sick to my stomach! In my country they the local women are losing ground to women of other countries! people are sick of them! Im sick of them! they are unattractive and arrogant! nothing but game players! They act like their in charge of something! If I look good on the outside and look like Ive got money or Im established; Im noticed! my spiritual side has no interest to anyone! makes no sense!

As for women; I have no choice! its not my fault! no one wants to grow up into this! I did not want to grow up into thinking women were of a negative condition! they show me no respect, but they respect everything else! and everything else is worthless! Im no longer interested in being confused about it! Ive been around enough women where its always a game! and you get pulled around their little fingers! not because Im naive; but because Im an honest man! being honest, I allowed to see others with honer! this was a mistake! they turn out to be con artists and nothing more! So, Im played into the ground! right before I get pulled into the ground! I stop the game! I was never aware we were playing one in the first place! The problem is; it goes on n on n on n on n on for ever! just people playing me like Im a ball of string! but Im not! Im a human being! and I start to understand what Im dealing with is vermin! worthless evil scum! nothing more! a disgrace! People like myself are not valued! we are lied to! We are told we are valuable, then used and laughed at behind our backs! and I have found women to be as this! not all of them! but what is the point! I have money! looks have done me nothing! I have still not found any honorable women! nothing! This is not completely true! I have found a few in my life! I mangled those situations! I through away true love! I suppose Im paying for it now!

Women use people; use men, go back to their girl groups and report in and and gain status with their groups! Im a grown man! women do not lead my life! Im a man! Man will simply get sick from this! meaning, they will have nothing to do with women like this!

Ive been spit on by the better women in the community as a loser! Im the greatest person they have ever met!
The rest; I have no access to! Im not working! Ive been on SSi for 17 years! I guess I dont fit in anywhere!

I have to hold on! work with God! Im at a place of understanding! I was a child, then destroyed, and had to make it to a bridge point! This bridge is a place of change! its a pivot point! Going from the bridge out into my personal growth as self! hopefully getting over the past! with an understanding of the brutal deeper world I come from! Im at a bigger understanding!

I understand that Im a nice kind person! I have my own identity! Im not an animal like most I meet in this destroyed society! My path is one of my spirit! and I must trust God and walk my own path! I dont like walking it alone; but I have no choice! I will continue to ask God for help!

The 12 step systems and its meetings have kept me alive for 20 years or I would have perished! I did not meet anyone their of any outstanding qualities! meaning; Im alone; I have not made to many close close friends their! my real friends and life come from another place! This place, these recovery rooms kept me alive; they are good for little else! meaning, heading out into life again requires a trust in God! The rooms and their people are interim rooms! They help to keep a person alive while they find themselves; if they can!

I have to work with God! and become who I am! The outside world always seems an opponent to this!

Im not sure what to think; but to continue to seek God and work with the laws of attraction!

One goal is to find my tribe of people; asking God that they recognize me!

As for talents! I truly dont understand God! Ive had massive talent but no way to implement it! I dont know how to go from where Im at to making a plan I believe in and carrying it out into the real world! I will have to work with God! I dont have the facilities for such personal things!

Ive always been someone that did not fit into the outside world! I know many people like me; and they were thrown away and are dead! Im alive! is this the best it can be!

I spend my time going to n fro, doing nothing! always having hope, but nothing in the real world gets accomplished! Thats not completely true! my talents are never really utilized! Im blocked from everything! Ill continue to work on it! Im not sure!

I have to work on who I am! Im at this bridge point! I've worked up into the bridge that crosses me from the old to the new again! Im simply becoming myself again and need support to be strong again!

I will have to work with God on all of this!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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