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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Somewhere lost in the riptide

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Dec 25, 2017 3:59 am

Im so in between things; Im losing the past; loosing touch with all of it and falling; I'm falling and falling and falling!
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Im land in a strange place; a purgatory; its just a place before the storm!
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Im truly moving ahead! Im moving into the darkness and entering another door and Im gone!
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Im moving forward into my next life; into dreams! Im scared; even the child in me knows something is wrong; something is moving!
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I see the child within me; he's about 3 or 4. he's playing in the front room with trucks and Lincoln logs! and he looks around the room, the wind outside is howling, the earth quake and the room is moving and cracks are in the floor and everything is vibrating and branches and tree limbs and leaves are entering the room from outside! Nothing is stable; this memory system is de stabilizing; its beginning to crack; its housing is breaking apart! all of it! The whole of the memory structure that kept this an altered state is crumbling! Once its crumbles, ill not live their anymore; ill be back in the present! Ive never been in the present alone like this! I have the present people but no relatives or people of my original past! no one! its a bit to much to stomach! At least when I was hiding; I was hiding!
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So, Im making real movement into a new life. and when this new life hits; the old doors and the old places will have no more reason or purpose; it will be like a ghost amusement park! Something abandon for 1000 years!
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Im in the middle of this change; I have different years of my youth; my childhood; all lies! meaning; I have to explain to the child in me to run; that nothing in his time is safe; nothing! regardless of what he's doing right now in my memories; run; run for your life! Get out of their! The point is; nothing is safe, all is evil; run for your life! Now; go! run! run away! nothing is as it appears! run; run as fast and as far away as you can until you come to the end of the earth; and still; that wont be fare enough!
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nothing is as it appears in those days; its all lies. The calm of living on a nice street is a lie; all of it; it is all contrived! it is a giant sadistic predator based exploitation of citizens! These people running this and their relatives are all evil bad bad people! pure evil; in every area!
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Im in the middle, Ive already crossed! but I crossed on to land and now I stand between the ocean where I was on a raft to areas of the land way in land next to the beginning of my new life! Im In a place that you cant see the ocean anymore or anything else I came from! Im fare enough inland that looking forward is the focus of the eye!
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I want my life back, but I wanted the safety and stability of a family to go with it; kind of like children who are playing in snow in someones yard; its getting late and you run home to a cozy hot fire and hot chocolate. You have a place to go home to! its part of why the adventure in the snow is so much fun; when your done, you get to go home!
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Im in a strange place where Im feeling like that kid in the snow, but Im not going home to the original place! and Im working to feel OK about this and safe! In order to pull this off, my past has to appear safe to me; this means, everything worked through and worked out! I have to come through my past experience; felt them, dealt with them and moved on! Not so easy!
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I have to build a relationship with source energy! A real deep fathomable relationship!
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I have to work with source enrergy God for the things I need! Right now; I need different therapists; psych groups! I have to work with source energy!
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Im in the middle of a change! I have to go places, that can help with that change! I will reach out to God and keep working on it! I need safe places to go!
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I suppose Ill being allot of writing on this place!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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