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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Somewhere in time

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri May 17, 2019 6:01 am

Not sure how I see my life. Im working with the universes.
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Im not sure where its at; I have to keep working at it.
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The people I associate with; not all are very good. Ive had problems with some people; Im alone.
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Its strange; Im alone and I keep working on it; on life; Im MGTOW; and have been that way all my life; purple pill.
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Ive always had my eyes open; but dealing with women has been useless. They lie most of the time and dont care. I remember a women that liked me; she abused her children and throw them away so could get my attention; when I saw this; it was over before it started. And this is an example of many situations.
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With women; Im only interested in women Im interested in; no one else.
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Im working with the universe.
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I would like to be in a relationship; but that has to do with money; or my interest in money.
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I believe in goals and the continuation of interest in goals.
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I dont date; Im not sure who to date. and I have massive problems taking risks; loneliness drives me to look for a better life. Im attempting to let go of my fears; this is hard because Ive been damaged; and I dont want to be damaged anymore; it is getting better.
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Im attractive to women; but as I get older; how long will it last.
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Im scared of not being attractive because of age but Ive never had money.
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Ill have to work with the universe; Im scared of letting go of my past my mother and my past house I lived in. Im scared because of the horror and fear I felt when it happened the first time. I dont want to be forced into reliving that.
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Im still going to 12 step meetings; and its helping me but I didnt know I need all that help; Im stuck between worlds right now; Im attempting to break into the real world but that work requires more faith in the universe.
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Risk taking is something ive not been good at because I dont like my arms getting ripped off. My value as a person seems to be nothing in this disposable society; so I have to turn to something else.
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Not having money has stopped all interest in women. its a giant wall. But Im not blaming women for this; its my inability to take chances and look at myself.
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losing weight is getting harder to do; but can be done; its what I want.
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I dont like being alone; I have no one; no family; and Im disposable in society. So; I must work with the universe for help.
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working with the universe is the problem. trusting the universe is the problem. the universe has to show up; but I have to take chances with the universe; and thats hard. very hard in fact; that could be a blog onto itself.
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I seem to have no value to women in this age. The women I have attracted is because they found me physically attractive but disposable. So; they are complete strangers. In the past; I had many women that liked me because they could either have a baby with me or they wanted me to take care of their children. I was interested in neither.
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God/Universe brings me who or what I want; and having very little until that time puts pressure on me.
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Im working, to work through this stuck bottleneck concerning the universe; trusting the universe.
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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