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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (951)
- July 2019
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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solving the abandonment problem

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:47 am

Im getting better; more stabled! Ive had about 20 years of 12 step work recovery in addition to half a life of therapy and other things! In addition; 5 years of success based thinking coaching; type of thing Billionaires study to get rich; how the rich set goals and learn to believe they are rich before they see a cent of money! So; Ive been feeling better or more stable; However, a question arises!
How can I work through being abandon; losing my childhood house when young; with no exit interview or counseling! I was pulled from it; it was sold out from under me; I lost the neighborhood i lived in; the school, the friends; everything; including relatives! Everything! I was moved; more like taken hostage! This was done on purpose by psychopaths!
The point; As I get better I want to get in touch with who I was as a child; but I can hardly do so!
When I attempt to look back at my childhood; I was stolen out of it and that is all I see; or I see a house I was once living in; I was stolen out of it!
I had no real childhood! I was taken in the 5th grade! and neglected before that!
The point is; I cant look back at it because of what happened! and I do not consider it a legitimate childhood because I was thrown away! When I attempt to see something positive about it; I remember that any positive feelings I had; I thought I would make it through childhood and gain my independence; that never happened! So; wanting to have an identity of where I came from or lived; I cant! I dont feel real; my childhood was not real; none of it! I was groomed and exploited then thrown away!
ITs like I had no roots; when I attempt to look back at something to hang on to; I have nothing!
This is all very hard! I want so badly to think I came from a nice home; but i did not come from anything but a ruined ruptured life where I was intruded on; captured; made the equal of a captive then destroyed and thrown away! Then; everything erased as if I was never born! No trace that I lived in the city I lived in! nothing! This tactic is a favorite type of torture used by psychopaths against their victims; relational aggression; different forms; finally ending up to the level of complete destruction to the victims life! Its like being dissolved.
No one understands or cares; No-one in the real world!
Im very lucky to have gotten the recovery Ive gotten! I would like to go further but the hardness and anger come back; its a deep seated hatred against the world for what happened to me in many different forms! My whole life was erased!
Im now trying to rebuilt it; but I seem to need stability from the past! It does not exist! I dont have a real identity from the past; nothing! Im attempting to work with God on it!
ITs worse that I actually had a place to call my childhood home when young; It horrible because it was stolen away from out; pulled out from underneath me before I could develop any stability from that childhood!
I hate looking back on it because it will end up in my torture and destruction! I was nothing more then captive to a sociopath and a psychopath; and that was my childhood! Not a childhood; more of a horrible sad crime story that ends in the horrible laying waist of three children; I was one of them!
I have to look back for stability; but theirs nothing to look back on; it was all fake. I had no real life! I was being used or murdered until I was ripped to pieces psychologically, spiritually, emotionally; my identity destroyed an or emotionally decapitated! Every part of my life was decapitated!
The point is; Im trying to find a positive world; a positive life and I have to come to grips with what kind of past I came from; mainly to work through it and get rid of it! meaning, to stop focusing on it! keep the door open; but I dont have to go back to it! ITs hard to look at a childhood when it was no a legitimate childhood! it was a crime against humanity and children; nothing more! Im proud of the fact I dont look back at it because Im worth more then this! However, feeling worthy I naturally want to look back at my childhood but their is no childhood! So; Im caught in the middle of things! I would like to resolve this!
Im working with the universe on its; giving this question about this situation to the universe!
Ill continue to work with the universe concerning all of this! Looking for a positive outcome!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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