Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1029
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (869)
Archives
- May 2019
i have alot more to talk about
   Sat May 18, 2019 11:49 pm
I cant remember sex
   Sat May 18, 2019 4:32 am
Somewhere in time
   Fri May 17, 2019 6:01 am
Goals of being myself again
   Thu May 16, 2019 8:36 pm
In limbo land
   Wed May 15, 2019 3:32 am
Getting fat and other things
   Mon May 13, 2019 6:14 am
Childhood horror starting to surface
   Sat May 11, 2019 12:00 am
blessings; this is stating for me; to feel blessed
   Thu May 09, 2019 7:41 pm
resentments and negative thinking
   Thu May 09, 2019 5:43 pm
Im working on stories
   Wed May 08, 2019 8:32 pm
Dissociative people write blogs
   Tue May 07, 2019 6:18 pm
Coming back; no friends
   Mon May 06, 2019 3:50 am

+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

solving the abandonment problem

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:47 am

Im getting better; more stabled! Ive had about 20 years of 12 step work recovery in addition to half a life of therapy and other things! In addition; 5 years of success based thinking coaching; type of thing Billionaires study to get rich; how the rich set goals and learn to believe they are rich before they see a cent of money! So; Ive been feeling better or more stable; However, a question arises!
.
How can I work through being abandon; losing my childhood house when young; with no exit interview or counseling! I was pulled from it; it was sold out from under me; I lost the neighborhood i lived in; the school, the friends; everything; including relatives! Everything! I was moved; more like taken hostage! This was done on purpose by psychopaths!
.
The point; As I get better I want to get in touch with who I was as a child; but I can hardly do so!
.
When I attempt to look back at my childhood; I was stolen out of it and that is all I see; or I see a house I was once living in; I was stolen out of it!
.
I had no real childhood! I was taken in the 5th grade! and neglected before that!
.
The point is; I cant look back at it because of what happened! and I do not consider it a legitimate childhood because I was thrown away! When I attempt to see something positive about it; I remember that any positive feelings I had; I thought I would make it through childhood and gain my independence; that never happened! So; wanting to have an identity of where I came from or lived; I cant! I dont feel real; my childhood was not real; none of it! I was groomed and exploited then thrown away!
.
ITs like I had no roots; when I attempt to look back at something to hang on to; I have nothing!
.
This is all very hard! I want so badly to think I came from a nice home; but i did not come from anything but a ruined ruptured life where I was intruded on; captured; made the equal of a captive then destroyed and thrown away! Then; everything erased as if I was never born! No trace that I lived in the city I lived in! nothing! This tactic is a favorite type of torture used by psychopaths against their victims; relational aggression; different forms; finally ending up to the level of complete destruction to the victims life! Its like being dissolved.
.
No one understands or cares; No-one in the real world!
.
Im very lucky to have gotten the recovery Ive gotten! I would like to go further but the hardness and anger come back; its a deep seated hatred against the world for what happened to me in many different forms! My whole life was erased!
.
Im now trying to rebuilt it; but I seem to need stability from the past! It does not exist! I dont have a real identity from the past; nothing! Im attempting to work with God on it!
.
ITs worse that I actually had a place to call my childhood home when young; It horrible because it was stolen away from out; pulled out from underneath me before I could develop any stability from that childhood!
.
I hate looking back on it because it will end up in my torture and destruction! I was nothing more then captive to a sociopath and a psychopath; and that was my childhood! Not a childhood; more of a horrible sad crime story that ends in the horrible laying waist of three children; I was one of them!
.
I have to look back for stability; but theirs nothing to look back on; it was all fake. I had no real life! I was being used or murdered until I was ripped to pieces psychologically, spiritually, emotionally; my identity destroyed an or emotionally decapitated! Every part of my life was decapitated!
.
The point is; Im trying to find a positive world; a positive life and I have to come to grips with what kind of past I came from; mainly to work through it and get rid of it! meaning, to stop focusing on it! keep the door open; but I dont have to go back to it! ITs hard to look at a childhood when it was no a legitimate childhood! it was a crime against humanity and children; nothing more! Im proud of the fact I dont look back at it because Im worth more then this! However, feeling worthy I naturally want to look back at my childhood but their is no childhood! So; Im caught in the middle of things! I would like to resolve this!
.
Im working with the universe on its; giving this question about this situation to the universe!
.
Ill continue to work with the universe concerning all of this! Looking for a positive outcome!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/clinical Depression
lighter forms of agoraphobia
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 438 times

Who is online

Registered users: AProphet, Bing [Bot], birdsong87, Demerise831, Dnester, Flowergirl97, GadSitar, GKOKD, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, MakersDozn, Pavloskxz, Pavlosmmr, Redthreat, Sadhamster, TheCollective, Tyler, z84200, ZeroZ