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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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solving the abandonment problem

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:47 am

Im getting better; more stabled! Ive had about 20 years of 12 step work recovery in addition to half a life of therapy and other things! In addition; 5 years of success based thinking coaching; type of thing Billionaires study to get rich; how the rich set goals and learn to believe they are rich before they see a cent of money! So; Ive been feeling better or more stable; However, a question arises!
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How can I work through being abandon; losing my childhood house when young; with no exit interview or counseling! I was pulled from it; it was sold out from under me; I lost the neighborhood i lived in; the school, the friends; everything; including relatives! Everything! I was moved; more like taken hostage! This was done on purpose by psychopaths!
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The point; As I get better I want to get in touch with who I was as a child; but I can hardly do so!
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When I attempt to look back at my childhood; I was stolen out of it and that is all I see; or I see a house I was once living in; I was stolen out of it!
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I had no real childhood! I was taken in the 5th grade! and neglected before that!
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The point is; I cant look back at it because of what happened! and I do not consider it a legitimate childhood because I was thrown away! When I attempt to see something positive about it; I remember that any positive feelings I had; I thought I would make it through childhood and gain my independence; that never happened! So; wanting to have an identity of where I came from or lived; I cant! I dont feel real; my childhood was not real; none of it! I was groomed and exploited then thrown away!
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ITs like I had no roots; when I attempt to look back at something to hang on to; I have nothing!
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This is all very hard! I want so badly to think I came from a nice home; but i did not come from anything but a ruined ruptured life where I was intruded on; captured; made the equal of a captive then destroyed and thrown away! Then; everything erased as if I was never born! No trace that I lived in the city I lived in! nothing! This tactic is a favorite type of torture used by psychopaths against their victims; relational aggression; different forms; finally ending up to the level of complete destruction to the victims life! Its like being dissolved.
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No one understands or cares; No-one in the real world!
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Im very lucky to have gotten the recovery Ive gotten! I would like to go further but the hardness and anger come back; its a deep seated hatred against the world for what happened to me in many different forms! My whole life was erased!
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Im now trying to rebuilt it; but I seem to need stability from the past! It does not exist! I dont have a real identity from the past; nothing! Im attempting to work with God on it!
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ITs worse that I actually had a place to call my childhood home when young; It horrible because it was stolen away from out; pulled out from underneath me before I could develop any stability from that childhood!
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I hate looking back on it because it will end up in my torture and destruction! I was nothing more then captive to a sociopath and a psychopath; and that was my childhood! Not a childhood; more of a horrible sad crime story that ends in the horrible laying waist of three children; I was one of them!
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I have to look back for stability; but theirs nothing to look back on; it was all fake. I had no real life! I was being used or murdered until I was ripped to pieces psychologically, spiritually, emotionally; my identity destroyed an or emotionally decapitated! Every part of my life was decapitated!
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The point is; Im trying to find a positive world; a positive life and I have to come to grips with what kind of past I came from; mainly to work through it and get rid of it! meaning, to stop focusing on it! keep the door open; but I dont have to go back to it! ITs hard to look at a childhood when it was no a legitimate childhood! it was a crime against humanity and children; nothing more! Im proud of the fact I dont look back at it because Im worth more then this! However, feeling worthy I naturally want to look back at my childhood but their is no childhood! So; Im caught in the middle of things! I would like to resolve this!
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Im working with the universe on its; giving this question about this situation to the universe!
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Ill continue to work with the universe concerning all of this! Looking for a positive outcome!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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