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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/solving_the_abandonment_problem_b-12571_sid-5b69c07c312a2253e5fd9f933e0f99d9.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Mon Nov 19, 2018 1:47 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | solving the abandonment problem |
Im getting better; more stabled! Ive had about 20 years of 12 step work recovery in addition to half a life of therapy and other things! In addition; 5 years of success based thinking coaching; type of thing Billionaires study to get rich; how the rich set goals and learn to believe they are rich before they see a cent of money! So; Ive been feeling better or more stable; However, a question arises! . How can I work through being abandon; losing my childhood house when young; with no exit interview or counseling! I was pulled from it; it was sold out from under me; I lost the neighborhood i lived in; the school, the friends; everything; including relatives! Everything! I was moved; more like taken hostage! This was done on purpose by psychopaths! . The point; As I get better I want to get in touch with who I was as a child; but I can hardly do so! . When I attempt to look back at my childhood; I was stolen out of it and that is all I see; or I see a house I was once living in; I was stolen out of it! . I had no real childhood! I was taken in the 5th grade! and neglected before that! . The point is; I cant look back at it because of what happened! and I do not consider it a legitimate childhood because I was thrown away! When I attempt to see something positive about it; I remember that any positive feelings I had; I thought I would make it through childhood and gain my independence; that never happened! So; wanting to have an identity of where I came from or lived; I cant! I dont feel real; my childhood was not real; none of it! I was groomed and exploited then thrown away! . ITs like I had no roots; when I attempt to look back at something to hang on to; I have nothing! . This is all very hard! I want so badly to think I came from a nice home; but i did not come from anything but a ruined ruptured life where I was intruded on; captured; made the equal of a captive then destroyed and thrown away! Then; everything erased as if I was never born! No trace that I lived in the city I lived in! nothing! This tactic is a favorite type of torture used by psychopaths against their victims; relational aggression; different forms; finally ending up to the level of complete destruction to the victims life! Its like being dissolved. . No one understands or cares; No-one in the real world! . Im very lucky to have gotten the recovery Ive gotten! I would like to go further but the hardness and anger come back; its a deep seated hatred against the world for what happened to me in many different forms! My whole life was erased! . Im now trying to rebuilt it; but I seem to need stability from the past! It does not exist! I dont have a real identity from the past; nothing! Im attempting to work with God on it! . ITs worse that I actually had a place to call my childhood home when young; It horrible because it was stolen away from out; pulled out from underneath me before I could develop any stability from that childhood! . I hate looking back on it because it will end up in my torture and destruction! I was nothing more then captive to a sociopath and a psychopath; and that was my childhood! Not a childhood; more of a horrible sad crime story that ends in the horrible laying waist of three children; I was one of them! . I have to look back for stability; but theirs nothing to look back on; it was all fake. I had no real life! I was being used or murdered until I was ripped to pieces psychologically, spiritually, emotionally; my identity destroyed an or emotionally decapitated! Every part of my life was decapitated! . The point is; Im trying to find a positive world; a positive life and I have to come to grips with what kind of past I came from; mainly to work through it and get rid of it! meaning, to stop focusing on it! keep the door open; but I dont have to go back to it! ITs hard to look at a childhood when it was no a legitimate childhood! it was a crime against humanity and children; nothing more! Im proud of the fact I dont look back at it because Im worth more then this! However, feeling worthy I naturally want to look back at my childhood but their is no childhood! So; Im caught in the middle of things! I would like to resolve this! . Im working with the universe on its; giving this question about this situation to the universe! . Ill continue to work with the universe concerning all of this! Looking for a positive outcome! |
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